The Sleeping Stone

The Sleeping Stone

A Poem by Aidan
"

Looking for some feedback on this one. Thanks!

"

Dappled sunlight filters down 

through the gnarled fingers of wise old trees


He sits,

surrounded by bramble and bush

Calling out for a guiding hand

on skinned, scratched knees

 

Not a sound answers back

Everything, from the immovable branches,

to the fluttering fallen leaves on the forest floor

are muted; appearing as though dead


Life is absent here,

hidden and silent

As though God himself has put the Great green Earth to rest

The shades are steep,

covering everything in quiet melancholia,

as a burial shroud covers the dearly departed


He huddles,

eyes shut tight,

hands covering his face


He waits immobile,

more as a dreaming stone, a monolith,

than a sleeping man


Counting slowly backwards,

he frames the world into the spaces caught between his fingers

falling quietly through the years.

© 2014 Aidan


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Reviews

Ah, I have such a hard time understanding poetry. As with Helianthus, I'm sorry that I can't give you a more educated review. It really makes me feel bad because I like to give constructive criticism, but I'm out of my element here. As stated by maria rose, you do have very good imagery. The very line she pointed out was one of my favorites as well. I remember pausing when I read it and saying "ooh that's nice". Is this about someone visiting a grave and grieving? I read it over several times but some lines confuse me, because when it says "more as a dreaming stone, a monolith, than a sleeping man" I'm assuming it's talking about the protagonist here, so that made me think, for a moment, that HE is the dead person but that doesn't seem to make sense. Anyway, I think (I'm not sure) that every new line needs to be capitalized. I also think that some punctuation is missing, but otherwise good work on this.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Aidan

9 Years Ago

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment, I appreciate it! One of the things that I absolutely.. read more
I LIKE IT !
good imaginary
Dappled sunlight filters down
through the gnarled fingers of wise old tree I think you did a marvelous job!

Posted 9 Years Ago


Aidan

9 Years Ago

Thanks for the taking the time to read and review. I appreciate it!
maria  ( rose)

9 Years Ago

my pleasure:)

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144 Views
2 Reviews
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Added on November 16, 2014
Last Updated on November 16, 2014
Tags: Nature, Solitude, Contemplation, Time, Aging, Poetry

Author

Aidan
Aidan

San Antonio , TX



About
English/Teaching Major that enjoys reading (and writing!) poetry, science fiction, and horror. Looking to keep a place where I can post writing and get some constructive feedback. Would love to hear y.. more..

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