Witness

My heart moans gently As my eyes follow the crows ahead I watch them swoop through the sky Free without worry Feeling strength in numbers And I appreciate their placement

I shamefully break from my brothers I walk a straight and narrow path My skin torn from restraints My mind scattered in a labyrinth The crows invigorate me My heart screams with agitation

Reviews

[SadBones]

Beauitful, this resonated with me personally because as someone who suffers from social anxiety and longs to fit in with the crowd. Never feeling part of something, feeling different, worn, and torn.

[Aidan Oberholtzer]

Stay strong. Thanks so much.

[Nessly]

Interesting piece. I would suggest refraining from the overuse of first-person nouns such as "I" and "My," but that's a personal preference. Good read.

[Aidan Oberholtzer]

Thank you for your review! I will keep that in mind. thanks(:

[Shannon]

I read this as how hard it is to move past where you came from or what you have known. The fear and confusion that comes with the unknown.

[Aidan Oberholtzer]

Interesting interpretation.

[firabelle]

My ELA teacher taught us, a long time ago, about the Formalist point of appreciation. In the Formalist, way, it is to look at how well the piece is put together.

From a formalist view, I nearly peed myself in glee. I love this so much! You keep it short, sweet, simple, and to the point. Your imagery, as well as comparing your message to a murder of crows is really clever.

However, I am a little disappointed that you used crows; I would have used a dove. Why? Well, the character/person would be splitting from something that is, religiously speaking (as far as Christianity and other mythology go), supposed to be purely good. To split apart from something held so highly just to break the cast would be even more powerful. Basically, that even the most inherently good things that do not encourage individuality may not be worth sticking to.

From there, you could bring morality and all other sorts of good stuff into the mix, and expand on your message to the reader.

Thank you for this wonderful piece of work!

Keep Writing-
Firabelle

[Aidan Oberholtzer]

Thank you so much for your awesome reviews. I apologize for not reviewing your work as much as you do mine. I don't have much time to go on the internet due to working so much.

I used crows in this poem because I actually did see several hundred crows gathering together in the sky a little before I wrote this.

Thanks again! (:

[Cobblestone Traveler]

Very moving with the faint promise of rebirth. Still feeling the shame of breaking your mold but ready and itching to become something else. At least that is what I took from it. Excellent write!

[andrew mitchell]

What an interesting mysterious write. Loved the imagery, being alone but maybe watched. Intriguing stuff!:)

[Aidan Oberholtzer]

Thank you so much!