Chapter 8

“See if I take you anywhere anymore,” I yelled at Guinness when we made it back to my apartment.

Guinness was silent, his stubby arms crossed over his stout chest as he glared into the distance. My words hung in the air for several moments before the gnome finally said,

“It wasn't that big of a deal. People aren't going to automatically assume I'm a gnome. Just a hairy midget with a bad case of being drunk.”

I sighed. He was right. Perhaps I was being a little too paranoid. I was glad I had left the party, though. I remembered why I didn't go to them in the first place; awkward conversation, teenage boys acting stupid, and cheap alcohol.

Grabbing my pack of cigarettes, I went outside on the balcony just out my front door.

“Y'know,” Guinness said, following me. I lit up a cigarette and puffed away.

“...there was something odd about that unicorn. I'm saavy to the ways of mythical creatures, and something was wrong. It was like the damn thing was corrupted or something. It wasn't its usual self, that's for sure. I've seen unicorns before, and they don't look like that. 'specially the black eyes.”

I passed the cigarette down to Guinness, who took a long inhale.

“Maybe that was just his dream �" a corrupted unicorn.”

Guinness nodded his head slowly.

“Perhaps, but I still feel like something was off. I dunno, maybe it's just my nerves lately.”

“What's wrong lately?”

“Nothing...”

“No, really, tell me.”

Guinness flushed, the first time I had ever seen him do so.

“So, um...” he mumbled, “Around this time in a gnome's life, they seek out a mate and procreate.” He sighed, long and with force. “I'm just having a hard time not being at home.”

“Homesick, eh?”

I took a drag. Guinness shuffled from one foot to the other, obviously uncomfortable.

“It's okay,” I said hurriedly, “I can understand. I just don't know how to make it better. I don't know how to get you back to your realm.”

“I know, I know. I'm just complainin'. Don't mind me none.”

“Well, if it's any consolation, I'm mateless, too.”

“I dunno, you sure seemed to be chattin' up a certain someone tonight.”

Guinness wriggled his eyebrows and I swatted at him halfheartedly.

“She seemed nice,” he said, “And pretty, too.”

“Yeah,” I agreed.

I crushed the cigarette under my sandal and went inside, holding the door open for my gnome companion. I settled him in front of the television as I got ready for bed.

When I returned to the living room, Guinness was laughing uproariously. On the television were two, dancing, cartoon mice. A kids show. Guinness always loved toddler shows for some reason; maybe it was a testament to his intelligence.

I regretted the thought as soon as it formed. Guinness had been with me through thick and thin. He was a loyal companion through and through despite his penchant for smart-assery. He’d never admit it, though, just like I’d never admit to him I liked having him around to scare away the monster of solitude. Guinness was my best friend in both worlds, and that title is not something I used lightly. And now the poor guy couldn't even go home and get a girlfriend.

“Night,” he said, bringing me from my thoughts. He had a smile on his face and a tear of laughter in his eye from the show he was watching.

“Try and get at least a few hours sleep. We might be doing a job tomorrow if Jules comes over.”

Guinness quirked an eyebrow.

“Using nicknames already, huh? What are you, sugar muffin? Sweet pea? Honey-“

I threw a cushion at him, the rest of the sickeningly sweet nickname lost in a surprised muffle.

“Just get some sleep,” I growled. I turned my back and headed into my bedroom, and fell face-down on the bed, giving a long sigh of relief.