The Yawning Beast

Written : Feb 9th, 2010 - Tuesday - 7:35 PM

[ The Yawning Beast ]

Wandering down the valleys east
   Where merry dreams yet to be
On rocks I saw a yawning beast
   And he laughing said to me:

"Sing a chant of merry sleep
   And you I shall not eat
Watching are my eyes so deep
   And I wont move my seat"

Of the beast I was fair amazed
   My mind went far astray
Stood before me with silent gaze
   O, my legs wont take me away

Came a thought across my mind
   Of chant my mother sings
Ah, my sight of words is blind
   What curse my time brings?

The words I remembered with ease
   A favor my time has given
The beast angry, nothing he sees
   Shouts: "Ye are not forgiven"

Chanted I the chanting lines
   My steps with rhythm I took
Echoed were the chanting rhymes
   My shadow the beast did hook

Sleeps the beast, hungry he is
   O, merry sleep I gave him
Flees I through his laying legs
   How clever I am and slim

The valley I leave heading home
   As the beast woken should be
Nothing to eat but his old chrome
   Wandering if he just ate me

( © 2010 - Ahmad Alhour, All Rights Reserved )

Reviews

[Sheila Kline]

Your poem has an almost melodic rhyme to it, and the verse................

Chanted I the chanting lines
My steps with rhythm I took
Echoed were the chanting rhymes
My shadow the beast did hook

..........is particularly touching and nicely worded.

In the end, the beast is left empty, with only memories, and you forge on out of the valley of shadows!
Nice!

[Efflorescence Honey]

Eheh, I just sang the poem in my head. It was fun, I like it :)

[Rhonda]

wonderful, wonderful poem. shukran kteer

[darem aq.]

such smoothness in flow, I really enjoyed the read by all means. very inspiring and direct ! folkloric themed venture that's told by an eloquent bard =] keep it up dude !

[poetic-raven2012]

I love how you reordered the words from the normal pattern, it gave the whole peice an old sort of feel and a really sweet rhyme. My favorite stanza is:

"Sleeps the beast, hungry he is
O, merry sleep I gave him
Flees I through his laying legs
How clever I am and slim..."

Sweet write:]

[TamerQtaish]

Damn bro!
I loved the way you reached out an idea with a story,
Amazing imaginary used too...
A strong writing gentled out by your talents...

All the best regards,
Tamer

[Nella Aboodi]

what an amazing work .. i could just visualize the whole thing right in front of my eyes .. i felt like im in the middle ages ..
it's hilarious, but at the same time truly gorgeous!