The Blossom Flower

Dedicated to Nella, the Air that I breathe. - Written : January 29th, 2009

 
[ The Blossom Flower ]

 

O, Flower in spring I saw
Upon the ecchoing green
Kept me wondering in my mortal laws
This beauty never seen

O, Flower Vivavella
How can I describe thee?!
Birds fall from heavens
Obedient to your beauty 

O, my flower Vivavella
How can I tell thee?!
My bosom desires the Angel of Mercy
As her name is Nella

 

( © 2009 - All Rights Reserved Belial )

Reviews

[Alaska Frost]

Beautiful, wonderful poem. It gave me a nice feeling inside. The picture goes along well with the poem and as Nella Aboodi said, "you wrote the right words". :)
-Alaska Frost

[George Love]

Very well done! Best of luck in my contest!

[Nella Aboodi]

I would like to add something, if others smile when they read this poem, well my smile never ends, because this writing is simply amazing, and once again you wrote the right words, I could read this and never stop.

[Greystone]

A very lovely peice. It made me smile, which everybody needs on a monday morning (shudder). I have a few nit-picky details--which is all someone as humbly stupid as I can manage with masterpeices such as yours--if you would like:

a) Echoing. I don't think you meant to put an extra 'c' in there, dear. ^_^
b)"O, Flower named Vivavella
How can I describe thee?!
Birds fall from heavens
Obedient to your beauty..." This line is beautiful. The first two lines are something akin to a chorus. Chorus, if repeated too early, makes it seem incorrectly that you didn't bother adding more to the work. I'd add a few more descriptive lines. Just a suggestion.
c)The line "Kept me wondering in my mortal flaws" may call for a little seperation. It really beefs up your overall flow pattern. Oh, and B?

Keep Writing.