The Bleeding Ashes

This poem is for my terrorism ridden country, where bodies fall and innocent are killed everyday.Yet, this can be interpreted in different ways.

The sea of sorrow has turned yellow,
Noise of the war seeped again,
Laying in the coffin with your disease ridden body,
Your pale face still glares.

Wait has longed,years gone forth,
My golden ball of fate which illuminated green light,
Has been butchered by the axe of fate,
The light doesn't shine no more.

The room is gloomy and the pit is dark,
Songs of peace are what my ears hallucinate,
She stood there as she belonged,
Stay away I can only devastate.

Author's Note

Feel free to criticise, I want to improve.

Reviews

[Ray F]

I like the opening line, the image of the sea turning yellow is a fresh one, and "seeped" in the following line keeps the water imagery going. "Butchered by the axe of fate" is not as innovative. The colloquial "doesn't shine no more" seems to come out of nowhere. The last stanza has a very different sound the the first two - the rhyme and rhythm feel like a change of pace. Was that intended?

[suburban girl]

Its a good poem no doubt.the choice of words are quite heavy but may be that is what u are aiming to.love to see something about love and life as well because death and life goes hand in hand.keep up the good writing.