First Session of the Therapeutic Kind

...conversation with myself, inspired by my dear friend Yossi...

 

First Session of the Therapeutic Kind

Me:   Thank you for seeing me today; I know it was short notice…

You: That is quite alright.  I had a cancellation this afternoon.  Please sit down.

Me:   If it’s alright with you, I would rather stand (eyes downcast)

You: Are you uncomfortable with being here?

Me:  Ah… (A moment of silence, then sighing) in a way, yes…I have never actually been to see someone before.

You:  I see…so why are you here?

Me:   I need to sort out some things…

You:  We can start there if you like… or is there something more pressing that you want to talk about?

Me:   I…I don’t know where to start…all I know is that my anxiety is up so high that I can’t stand myself or anything else, for that matter.

You:  Just start where you feel more comfortable.  Can I ask you why you are so anxious?

Me:   I have always had issues with my anxiety…ever since I was a child.  I am the oldest child in my family and was responsible for my brothers and sister since I was about nine.

You:  I see…we can start there, if you like. How did that make you feel?

Me:   That it was too much responsibility for a nine year old, but I never questioned it.  I was supposed to be the good child…I was supposed to not argue, I was raised that way…to do what I was told or I would get in trouble.  Both my parents worked then and I had to watch over my siblings…I don’t want to talk about that.  It doesn’t matter anymore.

You:  As you wish…so what do you want to talk about?

Me:   I really don’t know…maybe everything or nothing at all.

You:  Ok…so what is really bothering you right now?

Me:   (silence) Having too much time to think, not knowing what to do (more hesitation)…getting divorced from abusive husband that still harasses me… (Shrugging shoulders) trying to do the right thing with my life… not just for me, but for my youngest daughter.  I sometimes wish I didn’t have the responsibility of being responsible.

You:  Why do you wish that?

Me:   Because I have always been responsible…for something or someone…I just don’t want to be that way anymore.

You:  You know that you have to be responsible for some things.

Me:   I know…I just hate having to think about everything all the time.  Sitting at home, not working has given me too much to think about…to worry about all the things I have to take care of…and getting to the point that I don’t want to do anything anymore.  I just wish that I could hide and hope that it will all go away.

You:  You know that you have to face up to things; hiding doesn’t make them go away.  Maybe you need to decide what you really want to do.  Make a plan and go with that.  I know that it will not be easy, but you need to try.

Me:   I don’t know if I can right now…everything seems so difficult right now.

You:  Just give it a try.  Time is up for today.  We can talk about the other things that you mentioned next time.  Have a pleasant day.

Me:   Goodbye.

 

Agt  15 April  2009

Author's Note

...just a conversation with myself that i hope will help me start to sort out my deeper issues...only time will tell. tell me what you think, please. AT

Reviews

[17thWhitePrince]

WoW
What a piece of writing indeed
WoW

[Bhavya Kaushik]

This is....outstanding Amanda, simply outstanding!
We all till some extend face a kind of inner conflict and console ourselves about some or other thing.
But this piece of writing is more than that....It describes how honest and beautiful you are as an individual from inside.
I found that effortlessly you have narrated your entire story here....which is definitely not at all easy for most of us.

"You know that you have to face up to things; hiding doesn't make them go away. Maybe you need to decide what you really want to do." - Here, you yourself gave such a thoughtful answer to yourself which no one can deny.

Defeat doesn't finish a man--quit does. A man is not finished when he's defeated. He's finished when he quits.Everyone fails. But that doesn't mean you must identify yourself as a failure. Failure applies to a situation, a particular time and place. If you don't let it devastate you, failure can be an opportunity: for learning, for recovery, for the creation and demonstration of character. No one wins all the time. Learn to take your losses, learn from them if possible, and move on

[Mr. Misanthrope]

I would say that this is probably one of the best pieces of writing I have ever read of yours, not because it isn't a poem this time, but because when reading it, I actually believed that the secondary person, the 'psychologist', was someone entirely different, and only in the end did I remind myself that both voices are yours. It takes quite a bit of talent to achieve this. It's also astounding how you yourself were providing the solutions to your own problems. I believe that this piece of writing could have many psychological benefits.

Really, well done!

Luke

[With Each Raindrop Come..]

talking with yourself isn't necissarily a bad thing, if anything its a good thing because you sort out issues in your mind and find out the best way to solve them.

Great write

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Well sometimes talking with yourself is a great way to clear things up... I agree that being responsible at age nine can have an effect like being to uptight or anxiety... a great start to figuring out so much.

[Jinx's Heart]

In some instances, I feel I can relate to you as far as the internal conflict. This was very insightful and well written. I hope this was therapeutic for you. It actually was too painful for me. I almost erased my dialogue from Writers Cafe. I admire your strength. Excellent writing. :)