A Picture Of A Girl

  Her hair is strawberry blond.

  Her eyes are brown.

  Her skin is pale.

  She looks young.

  About ten years old.

  Her face is curled up

  in a smile of joy.

  I am holding this picture

  of her.

  This picture of the

  girl I once was. 

Author's Note

:/ Bad once again...

Reviews

[Kyla H]

Simple yet wonderful.

[Miss Sally Sunshine]

I like the poem. It seems a bit dark and wistful, but it also seems thoughtful. I can;t really describe it, but it's there...

[Aarontastic]

This isn't a bad poem; it's just a little bit too simple, I think. In some ways, the simplicity works in the poem's favor: by making this concise portrait of yourself during your childhood, you can say lot about your personality back then (and presumably how it has changed) without actually writing that many words: from the descriptions of your skin, hair, youth, and your smile in the picture, my mind made subtle little guesses into your character as well, which I'm guessing was your intention. In that way, the simple format of the form is a big plus, but I would have liked to see you stay away from more common characterizations of how you looked and use a little more creativity in that area, without necessarily adding that many words to it so you could preserve this form. In other words, you could probably come up with another way to describe your hair color in the picture that is just as simple and short, but a little more unique just to make it stand out.

Other than that I like this poem, it's unpretentious and the way that you used periods instead of commons makes it seem broken and disjointed, like a random collection of thoughts that one might have when staring at a picture, and I thought that was cool.

[NickyGL]

Its a good idea, and a good poem but reading your work i've noticed that their all kind of short and for a lack of a better words use the vocab we all earn in school. simple words simple poem, complicated words the more the reader has to think. You got to get them thing of what if this or that happend, or happend to them. Bigger words help with that a little. You have the important parts, the idea and the will to write. I like your work quite a bit, this poem and all the rest is great! The things i said before are just things that may or may not help. I'm still working on them myself. Good job keep writing!

[Kermit Gildersleeve]

This is a good poem, a great theme, and I love the angle from which you approach it. But, I think the periods at the end of the sentences are bad for poetry. They hold it back...like dams holding back a flowing river. You've got a great poem here, but its almost like its in chains. Try using commas or, or even nothing at all.

[Vanessa Rico]

I actually really enjoyed this poem. I can totally relate to you about missing who you once were. I have gone through a lot of stuff in the past 3 or 4 years that have changed me into a completely different person. I am no longer naive or innocent, not that there is anything wrong with that. I just let people walk all over me not knowing any better. I do admit that I miss the carefree innocence once in awhile; however, these experiences have made me the person I am today... I do not regret it. Beautiful poem!

[Misty Blue Eyes]

this is good. i like the simple stuff you write..

[~Lizzy♬]

Love the poem. Good write! :)

~Lizzard~

[Jill Wallflower]

naaw :3