No Air...

 

I am losing all senses.

I can't breathe now.

I try to hold you but you run away.

I am trying to move again.

Trying to feel something that is real. 

I guess my life is finally coming to an end. 

Author's Note

Tacky. Boring. Lame.
Please review though.

Reviews

[Fabric Pulse]

I don't like criticizing at all, and I don't even know if this would be counted as that, but maybe for your poems if you have an issue with them, view these all as practice, your trial ones, develop in them and on the side your own unique voice and style, your stamp. I never used to do rhyming or anything when I first started out, and really you don't have to, poetry is not all about rhymes, but what it is about really is creating yourself how you truly wish to be in this world of paint and pens and paper and words and messages hidden and shown. The grouping of your sentences is basically everything of importance, if it doesn't sound right to you, it might at moments sound slightly uneasy in flow to your readers also, even though we do have a lot of good things to say.

[DearSweetAgony]

I like reading this interesting poem.
It's short,simple and sweet.
I LOVE the whole poem.
Great Job!

[A.E. Surdam]

"I am losing all my senses" just that line can force me to write many things. Wow, very intriguing. All these ideas for different stories just come through and call out to me. I haven't felt this way in a while. Thank you for that. Your poem has a deep meaning to it which only you can feel. Never call your writing tacky, boring and lame because it is not. You wrote it and it has all the meaning you wrote into it. Like creating a symphony or a masterpiece. There are some people in the world who cannot write a thing and then there are others who can. So take that gift and now that there are meanings to your writing. Because you formed it and wrote it down. Documenting it forever.

[brenda]

this is how i feel right now !! it is not boring and the rest that you said either is wondeful . short words say everything than a whole paragraph sometimes!:)

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

Your poetry will end up giving me brain damage.
It always shakes me up. Your words are powerful.
I look at your poems and wonder how you can have
so much influence with so little words.

[Nobody's Daughter]

I really liked this poem. I could relate to it. You captured the emotion well.

[NickyGL]

Its not all that bad, its not all that tacky nor boring. Lame is just not in the dictionary here. what i get from this is your tired of getting lied to, tired of people saying thing that arnt true. you want to feel real, emotion with this person, not lies. am i right?