daffodil (narcissus) - timelapse

a poem about coping with mental illness at a young age

sometimes

it’s easy to start again

in the winter, cycles don’t matter to seeds

well, they do but they’re less important than

say

growing

up, up, higher

past the dirt and the rocks and the grass that is too green

for this side of the fence

taller, taller until you start growing leaves

your stem gets thicker

and maybe

if you’re lucky enough to be firmly planted

on the banks of a river

maybe you’ll see flowers reflected back at you

through the ripples

(yellow was always my favourite colour)

but me? not me

never me

i was never a beautiful soul

never tall enough to reach the sun

never strong enough to stop bending

over backwards for people so

imagine my surprise

when springtime gave me a halo

a wreath in winter’s wake and

oh, my laughter was honey

this is what i deserved, surely

to be prettier than the rest?

after clawing my way

through

frozen earth and

china plates and

sticks and stones and bones that break

when they’re stepped on and finally

finally

sunlight

i deserved to be born on the banks of a river

my roots run far below

but the problem with yellow and blooming after so many years of being told

“you’ll never learn, kid”

is in the summer

when the light glistens off the water

when you’re tall enough to see what you’ve become

you can’t look away

(yellow used to be my favourite colour)

and now i’m sick

a plague, codenamed ‘hopelessly devoted’

but not to you, or you, or any of those my pollen ever touched

i never was tall enough to reach the sun

but god, i tried

i never was strong enough to stop bending over backwards for people

i grew too tall, i reached too far because the flowers wouldn’t stop blooming and they were beautiful, yes

in the context of a river, they were beautiful

less beautiful is the weight on my shoulders

i reached too far and i can’t stop

and i won’t stop, this is my punishment

if i had humanity, i could walk away on legs

but my roots run too far below for me

to ever stop looking at what

i wish i couldn’t see

when i’m stepped on, i don’t break

i bend

Reviews

[¿]

A well explained time lapse....we grow and leave all the old faves and wants behind in the carve of new...but accepting who you actually are, is the great deed...and not to see what you don't wish to is the greatest wish on earth!
I liked your thought...thanks for sharing☺

[Casper Alixander]

thank you so much! i think you're actually one of the only people who understands the 'timelapse' part of this!

[¿]

Ah! Thank you....I love to go through details....you're heartedly welcome☺