Back in Town

Anna pulled into the familiar driveway of the white house with the green roof. She'd been away from home for so long, she hoped her mom would recognize her. She took a deep breath before slowly turning the car off and stepping onto the hot asphalt.

Anna hoped to death that she wouldn't see him. That she wouldn't run into Zach. He'd caused her enough pain after high school, and she didn't want him to start any more trouble. She looked over her shoulder at his house. It hadn't changed at all.

She remembered back a few years ago when she would sit with him on his porch. They would talk and kiss, holding hands. Anna and Zach had been in love. Maybe she still loved him, and maybe he felt the same way. But things were different now. They were both older, and she was more responisible.

 

He had changed her. She used to be easy going and happy, all the time. After they broke up, though, she was cold and desolate. She spaced out a lot more and Melany was worried. It took Anna a long time to snap back into her old self.

She grew up more in the past few years, too. Her body had filled out and she was no longer awkward and lanky. She was average height with minimal curves. What used to be long, blonde hair was now dyed dark brown. She had traded her thick, dark eyeliner for a more natural look, with shades of pink and gold.

Her style had changed as well. When Anna was with Zach, she wore too-tight jeans and band t-shirts, with old, beat up Converse. She now wore dress pants and blouses. She grew up, and maybe, possibly, he had, too. But Anna doubted that.
 

She wondered what he was doing now. Did he ever go to college?  Does he have a girlfriend? Did he get over her? Anna's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a car pulling into the driveway next door. She turned her head to see an old Jeep Wrangler there. She squinted her eyes to see a messy haired boy, in tight jeans and a white t-shirt open the door and step out. She slid her sunglasses on and prayed he wouldn't recognize her.

Her heels clicked on the pavement as she walked around her red Audi towards the sidewalk. Maybe he would mistake her for her sister, Ruby. They looked pretty much the same, now that Anna had dyed her hair to almost the same color as Ruby's.

Unfortunatley, Zach noticed her. "Rubs?" he mistaked her for her sister. The sound of his voice gave her a knot in her throat. She looked at him through her sunglasses and shook her head.

"Anna?" he asked. "What are you doing here?"

She swallowed the lump in her throat and was about to walk away, but her legs had lost all feeling and she was unable to move.

Anna cleared her throat and said, "I have a mother here, if you forgot."

"Smart a*s," Anna heard him mutter.

She turned on her heel and began to walk away, though she heard his loud footsteps from behind her.

"Hey, can't we talk?" he asked, placing a hand on her shoulder. She stopped and looked straight into his eyes.

"Don't. Touch. Me." Anna warned. He removed his hand, but didn't look away.

"Anna, if you would let me explain, I-"

"You have nothing to explain to me." she said so quietly, it was almost a whisper.

"Yes I do. I know what I did was bad-"

"Bad?" she asked, cutting him off. "That's not the only word I'd use to describe what you did. It was heartless, cold, mean, heartbreaking, and painful. You were a s****y excuse for a boyfriend."

He faultered, letting the venom of her words sink in.

"I know. I didn't deserve you. I'm sorry for what I did. I just got caught up in the moment... and I can't tell you how sorry I am." he said.

"You don't understand how fake you sound right now. Apologizing won't get you anywhere. I'm tired of hearing the same thing over and over again."

"Anna-"

"No. Let me talk. I'm here to visit my mom. That's it. I'm not here to talk to you. Please, just leave me alone." Anna pleaded.

"Fine," Zach agreed. "Have it your way. Just tell me one thing."

She nodded hesitantly.

"Are you still good in bed?" he asked with a smirk.

"F**k. You." she said before walking away, leaving him standing there, the smirk plastered on his face.

--
 

Anna lay back on her bed in her old room, staring up at the ceiling. She sighed, remembering what took place when she was in high school. She knew she should probably be downstairs, talking with her mom and sister, but she wasn't.

Her mother, Linda, was terrible alcoholic. She became this way after Anna's father was killed in the army. She completely shunned Anna, drinking away her problems. When Anna tried to help, Linda would hit her. When Anna would try to do anything for her mom, she would either ignore her, shoo her away, or scream at her.

Anna felt completely alone. Her house was always a mess, with empty bottles spread across the floor. It was no use to clean it, Linda would just mess it up again. Anna was embarrassed. She never had any friends over at her house. She felt like she was the mother, and Linda was the child. She took care of her. When she was passed out on the couch, Anna would put a blanket over her. When she would wake up hungover, Anna would make her coffee.

 

One night in April of her sophomore year in high school, Anna came home to her mother, on the couch, still awake, pouring herself a drink.

 

"Anna, you're home." Linda stated, her words slurring together. Anna dropped her backpack over her shoulder and kneeled down by the coffee table.

 

"I brought home some dinner, like you asked." Anna said, opening the styrofoam package and pushing it towards her mother.

 

"Ugh, the smell." she said, pushing it back and putting a hand over the bridge of her nose.

 

"Sorry," Anna said, pulled the package back to her. She closed the lid. Her mother attempted to stand up, but fell back onto the couch. "Help?" Anna asked, holding her hand out. Linda slapped her hand out of the way, leaving a red mark.

 

"Just leave me the f**k alone." he mother said.

 

She picked up the three bottles of vodka laying on the coffee table and walked into the kitchen. She set everything down on the counter and went into her bedroom. She heard a crash, then heard coughs and grunts coming from the bathroom.

 

Anna sighed, went to her bed and cried into her hands. She silently wished her dad was here. None of this would have happened if he was here. Her mom wouldn't drink, and they would still be a normal family. She wished her sister were here, too.

 

Ruby was off in a fancy boarding school, while she was stuck here, in a small house that reeked of alcohol. Right then, something shiny caught her attention. On her nightstand, she noticed a pair of scissors. She picked them up and thought for a second. She'd heard of people who cut themselves. She used to think they were emotional freaks, but now, she considered it. More tears escaped her eyes as she brought the sharp edge to her wrist.

--

Zach had been there for her. He knew how her mother was, considering they were neighbors. He helped her through it, taking her to therapy to help her stop cutting. He'd wait for an hour in the waiting room every Wednesday, while she was inside, crying and telling her problems to a total stranger. He'd hold her close when she'd come out from therapy, her cheeks stained from running mascara.

 

During the time that her mother was drinking, Anna never went home. She hated it there. She told Linda that she was staying at a friends house, but she was really staying with Zach. She remembered the night that she found out.

There was a party at Zach's. Everything was going well, until Linda showed up to complain.

"Anna?" she had asked, half drunk, when she saw her.

"Mom, go home." Anna had ordered.

"No, no. I want to know what you're doing here."

"It's... it's a party, mom. That's why I'm here."

By this time, the music had died down, and everyone was staring at them.

"I don't want you to lie to me. I just went over to Melany's." she had referred to the girl that Anna was supposed to be staying with. "Her father told me that you haven't been staying there."

"I-"

"Shut up." she'd snapped. "You've been staying here, haven't you?"

Anna didn't respond. "Haven't you?!" she screamed.

She nodded. "Come with me." she had said. "Now." Her mother had took her wrist and gripped it tight, pulling her towards the door, when Zach stepped in front.

"Please, Mrs. Connor," he had said. "Let Anna stay with me. You're in no position to take care of her now."

She stared at him for a second, before slapping him hard across his face. "Don't you dare tell me what to do with my daughter."

Zach took a few steps back, his hand resting shakily on the spot he'd been hit. Anna stood, her cheeks bright red, her head pounding, embarrassed. Anna's mother, followed by a desperate Anna, stormed out of the place, leaving the crowd that was watching, their jaws hanging open.

When Anna and her mother had gotten back to their house, Anna was sobbing.

"Mom, you just slapped my boyfriend," she whispered.

"He deserved it," she muttered back.

"Mom, do you realize what you're doing to me?!" Anna screamed. She pulled out a small pouch from her backpack and emptied out it's contents onto their kitchen table. There was a razor, a knife, and a pair of scissors. Her mother's eyes bulged when she saw what was in front of her.

"Pick one, mom!" Annd cried. "Razor, knife..." she trailed off, her black makeup streaking down her cheeks.

"Anna... what... what is this?" her mother asked, tears building in her eyes.

"This is what it is." Anna rolled up her sleeve, revealing her many cuts and scrapes, bruises and scars. She shoved her arm in her mother's face. She picked up the knife and "This is what it costs. Your drinking made me CUT myself!"

"How could you do this to yourself?" she asked, sobbing.

"I told you already!" Anna screamed, holding one hand on her forehead, as if doing so would prevent the headache that was already growing.

 

She shook her head, tears crawling down her cheeks. Her mother leaned down in the table and put her head in her hands. She sobbed quietly, whispering 'I'm sorry,' repeatedly. "You," Anna whispered. "You made me do it."


Anna blinked back the tears that were building up in her eyes. She couldn't believe what her mother had caused her to do all those years back.

"Hi, sweetie," Linda poked her head into the room. "Dinner's in a few minutes, okay?"

Anna nodded, as she watched her mother close the door behind her. Her mother was sober now, all the time. She hadn't had a drink in over three years, and Anna was proud of her for that. But she still couldn't help but think about what her mother had forced her to do.

Anna pulled up the sleeve of her cardigan and examined the faded gray lines that represented what went on in her life for too long.

Author's Note

if it seems like zach sounds fake, it's because he IS fake. you'll see later on in the story that he's still a complete jerk.

Reviews

[Facade]

1) I liked the beginning, it was well described and executed, if you ask me.
2) I disliked a lot of Zach's speaking. Anna was good, but Zach's dialogue seemed false throughout this chapter. His entire apologetic speech felt horribly fake, and if that was the goal then don't change it. But if you were trying to make him sound actually sorry, I'd suggest changing that a little.
3) I suggest checking a few strange phrasings. Such as "He had changed her" and then going on about her physical changes. He probably didnt' cause those, and I realize you weren't actually saying that he did, but it seems like it, even if it isn't. Get what I'm saying? Icily is strange as well, as is the line about choosing. Also, awe is probably not the right word for the party goers, I'd go with shock or embarassed for her or something along those lines. Awe is usually a good thing. Anyway, it's not all bad, it just caused me to step back, reread, and make sure I had it right. You probably don't want your reader doing that, as it stops any flow that was there.
4) I would NEVER go from "I have drunk parents" to "I'm gonna cut myself." So, I don't understand why Anna would. Does that make sense? Basically, what I'm saying is: explain why. The exposition on why she went to cutting is lacking, and if you explain more, it'll work more. Also, showing Zach helping her with the psychiatrist and all is probably a good idea as well.
5) The whole drinking thing. I basically wanted to go "so?" Because you've really only stated "she drinks." If you really want the reader to go "oh my, the poor dear" and shed a tear, you need to show how horrible this mother is. I read a story once where an entire chapter was devoted to a mother being a bad mother. In short, her oldest son (probably only 12-ish) threw up, and she made him wash his clothes in the sink, in front of his younger brother (who he was trying to appear strong in front of) and then made him wash the entire floor while stark naked because he had already taken off his clothes. It doesn't sound particularly "omg!" does it? It's sad, but you can't really feel it from that brief description, right? That's how I feel right now. SHOW how the floor is littered with bottles, SHOW how embarassed Anna was when she was dragged from the party, SHOW how the people were horrified by her mother's action. And show the tears as she cut herself, or when she confronted her mom. Which leads to:
6) The conversation between her and her mom is lacking. More description, show how horrible her mom felt after that. Show her throwing the knives across the table. Have her hold one up and scream about her mom causing her to harm herself. Have her shove her scarred arm in her mother's face. Make us CARE about these two.
7) I doubt that, upon returning home, she'd be on her bed. She'd be talking with whatever family was present. Oh, and the final jump back to the present time, I enjoyed it. It was a nice little jump that flowed really well, and thus didn't need the asterisks to denote the return.

Overall, you write well. You just need to make sure that everything is good.

I hope this helped.