GUIDE ME

Wanted a little love, but all I got was hate

Searching for a light, but darkness seems to be my fate

The shadows of darkness have destroyed my life's light

My pillows are soaked with tears every night

I try to win, but I am losing this unending game

From outside I am smiling, but inside I don't feel the same

Emptiness caught my body and my soul

Love is just creating a dark hole

I look in the mirror just to find a smile

But disappointed throughout my life

My smile has become my silent pain

And now I am wishing that those good times could happen once again

The more I live the more I know

That all my dreams are burred under the snow

That came from those cold hearts

Who love to tear my wishes apart

I am tired of pretending I just want to be me

When will this detention be over? I want to be free

Cause this is hurting the way deep

If this is a nightmare want to end this sleep

My mind just keep replying those special movements

But my feelings are getting worse it does not cause improvement

Alone I am shaking with the fright

In these sleepless lonely nights

Can't you see my frown

Oh God! please look down

Tell me that I am wrong

My destiny is not far long

I am looking at the sky please guide me

Reviews

[Matty Bosox]

Now this is what I would expect from a writer of your talents!!! Terrific in every sense of the word....Your lengthy lines are very meaningful and remain in terrific rythym....This is actually what "IT PAINS" should've been more like....This seems like a hyped up, supercharged version of that poem which seemed like a quickly written, poor showing, bland version of your excellent talent....Good job Afra

[Adam, the Grub Street L..]

There are a lot of emotions in this piece, most of them sad or self-pitying. I didn't realise that poetry was such a good vehicle for self-pity.

What would raise this for me is some optimism at the end that maybe good will guide, or some such thing. You build the sadness majestically, it would have been nice to end on a high.

[mariah]

great work, your word choice in this poem is perfect! i apsolutly adore the first two lines, they fit together so well. i think your a great writer. dont ever give this up, you have true talent, and i can allready see that you are growing in your skills.
-mariah

[Olivia Marie]

I loved it :) It was great :) Powerful emotion. My one and only suggestion:
"Love is just creating a dark hole" to "Love had just created a dark hole" To me it flows better, but that is just my personal opinion, and I measure no where up to as good as you do in writing :) Marvelous! :D

[Harley (arbiter)]

Another one full of emotions. Great job once again!

[quixotic_rose]

This is amazing, i love the emotions you give out here. A little revision and I'm sure you will catch your mistakes, other than that I thought this was awesome. keep up the amazing job! :)

[Pencrafter]

Your skill at portraying emotion is evident in this poem. If I might suggest something about the overall style of writing. Don't worry about making complete and proper sentences in poetry. If you use more contractions or abbreviations, or add commas and just shorten some of your lines, it might make it read a little smoother. And, in the sixth verse I think you probably meant 'replaying' instead of 'replying'. Hey, remember that every word I type about your poems gives you license or authority to offer criticism on my work. We all help each other.

[L. Edward Neale]

Some hard times there. Writings such great therapy isn't it. Good on you for getting it out. With forgiveness, you have the power, you have the answers, you have the strength. Divinity is within you. It is always there. Its like looking at the Earth and the sun from space, you see that "darkness" is just an illusion created by a certain perspective upon the rotating Earth. If you step right back and lose that point of view, you realise that in truth the sun never sets and it never stops shining.

[Corset]

This expresses a sad condition of heart break and lonliness, everyone feels like this once in a while, I think you expressed this quite well.

[Ama May Cooper]

An emotionally haunting poem... very deep and meaningful ... rhyme feels a little forced in places, but that's quite common with rhyme anyway and nothing to much to worry about , at least in this case anyway.

*Buried