GUIDE ME

Wanted a little love, but all I got was hate

Searching for a light, but darkness seems to be my fate

The shadows of darkness have destroyed my life's light

My pillows are soaked with tears every night

I try to win, but I am losing this unending game

From outside I am smiling, but inside I don't feel the same

Emptiness caught my body and my soul

Love is just creating a dark hole

I look in the mirror just to find a smile

But disappointed throughout my life

My smile has become my silent pain

And now I am wishing that those good times could happen once again

The more I live the more I know

That all my dreams are burred under the snow

That came from those cold hearts

Who love to tear my wishes apart

I am tired of pretending I just want to be me

When will this detention be over? I want to be free

Cause this is hurting the way deep

If this is a nightmare want to end this sleep

My mind just keep replying those special movements

But my feelings are getting worse it does not cause improvement

Alone I am shaking with the fright

In these sleepless lonely nights

Can't you see my frown

Oh God! please look down

Tell me that I am wrong

My destiny is not far long

I am looking at the sky please guide me

Reviews

[Matty Bosox]

Now this is what I would expect from a writer of your talents!!! Terrific in every sense of the word....Your lengthy lines are very meaningful and remain in terrific rythym....This is actually what "IT PAINS" should've been more like....This seems like a hyped up, supercharged version of that poem which seemed like a quickly written, poor showing, bland version of your excellent talent....Good job Afra

[外人 (Gaiji..]

Sad (as your poem) to see you came back to your literary thopos, try to get over this, find someone to help you if you can't, life won't get easier, you have to deal with it with another attitude to make it through :) Technically speaking your poem is GREAT, but I prefer a happy Afra than a Homer-reincarnation sad Afra :)

[murrill]

Great job

[afra]

thanks

[Jordan A. Wilson]

I like the emotions behind this. A few tweaks with grammar and punctuation will allow this to flow a little better, unless it was purposeful.

[Barbara Walker]

This could be a great poem with a little work. The flow is fine in some stanzas, a bit off in others and way off in the last stanza. Second stanza, third line, better-"Emptiness fills my body and soul" Fourth line doesn't make sense, seems it would be lack of love creating a dark hole. Fourth stanza, second line, .."buried under the snow". In the fifth stanza, I find a perfect example to explain what your lack of punctuation does to a reader! With no punctuation in the first sentence ( a comma after pretending) the sentence reads, as if, you are tired of pretending that you just want to be yourself. (If you take out the word "just", it is easier to see this.) The "just" should be dropped, anyway. I know how tempting it is to use it, but it isn't necessary. Back to the comma. If you put the comma in, it let's the reader know to hesitate a moment, before saying the line that follows the comma. THEN, the sentence is understood by the reader, as you meant it. Don't let lack of punctuation detract from your beautiful writing!
Next stanza-"replaying", not "replying", "moments", not "movements". Second line, too wordy. Try, "there is no improvement". Drop the word, "the" before the word "fright". Take the last line of the 6th stanza and make it the first line of the last stanza and drop the last line entirely. Or if you want that line, you need to rework the last stanza.
Despite my nitpicking, you have the beginnings of a great poem and you are a writer worth reading, if you would USE PUNCTUATION! :):)

[Marissa]

I love this one because it's emotion filled and that's what makes it best...this is great and like i said before I hope things get better fo you and I know it hurts.

[Celestial Witch Child]

Definitely an emotional poem.

[Coyote Poetry]

Freedom and love can be two different directions. I desire freedom for 36 years. Love wasn't needed. I slowed down and learn. Must be kind and give love to receive love. Can swim in hate and misery and expect love to come. I believe need purpose and reason to be alive. Could be love or writing the great book or both. A very good poem. Open the door to questions and thoughts.
Coyote

[MOON]

Poignant write flows well .

[harry]

This poem is awesome .. One of your best poems ....I am inspired by your work

[Pax]

your really consistent on your poems, the sadness is still there. and i think you poem speaks so much of you, and poem is such a great tool to release what you feel. nice work my friend.