THAT GUY

It was a perfect Monday evening

Perfect until and that guy came out of nowhere 

And aimed his gun at me

He pulled the trigger and the bullet hit my knee

He smiled as I screamed with pain

I never wanted to die in vain

My white pants turned into red

And then he smiled and aimed his gun on my head 

The whole 14 years flashed before my eyes

Is this the end, am I really going to die

Tears started streaming down my face whenever I saw his gun

My life was going to end before it really begun

I was the one who used to wish to die

Now when he is killing me, why is it making me cry?

I closed my eyes as he was pulling the trigger again

Then I heard the gun short and the loud noise damaged each cell of my brain

As soon as I opened my eyes I saw him dead on the ground

He was shot by one of the officers standing around

Whenever I think of him I end up on screams

That guy still haunts me in my dreams

Author's Note

Not my best but please tell me what you think

Reviews

[eeoopig]

This is an interesting piece, with some great imagination to it. It does need some serious editing though (corrections on right in CAPS).
"Perfect until and guy" do you mean: Perfect until THAT guy
"My white pant turned into red" do you mean: my white PANTS turned red -> (into is unneeded)
"aimed his gun on my head " do you mean: aimed his gun AT my head
"going to die" do you mean: going to die? -> question mark
this sentence is a bit long: "Then I heard the gun short and the loud noise damaged each cell of my brain" how about separating them into two?:
Then I heard the gun SHOT
and the loud noise damaged each cell of my brain
"the offices standing" do you mean: the OFFICERS standing
there are a few others, so please look out for them. Grr I hate grammar. Anyway, good job on this - I enjoyed it!

[Pencrafter]

The whole poem reads like a dream, or nightmare. Maybe you've been watching too many Law and Order episodes. Just kidding. It's a graphic poem with searing images and a painful feel. Not something I would hang on a wall, but it shows depth in variety of your writing.

[Amanda]

I was suicidal like you until I took a bullet to the knee..

Sorry I'm high off sleep. This is really good. You always have a way of telling a story with few words. Keep it up :)

[Leigh]

Great story within the poem, you've got a lot in there - I found that it reads well, I like the opening line, there's a nice twist in this as well

[TheJordBaker]

very emotional and intense. could perhaps use some trimming and editing, but very effective on reader. good job :)

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the poem. Open with a scary situation. I like the way you led the reader into thoughts and the very good ending. You taught some wisdom in the poem. Life is okay when death is at your doorstep. Thank you for the outstanding poem.
Coyote

[Destinyxi]

I love the rhymes. This is really... something. Very nice write as usual!

[Reform69]

im not that great a poet but I did enjoy this, i feel like you kinda force the last words to always rhyme tho. And I'm sorry about the white pants...I love white pants haha

[Bye Guys]

I like the imagery and i thought it was pretty good. that's just my thoughts but i always enjoy your writing :)

[Olivia Marie]

I liked the imagery. It didn't flow like some of your other pieces, but it was still good. :)