THAT GUY

It was a perfect Monday evening

Perfect until and that guy came out of nowhere 

And aimed his gun at me

He pulled the trigger and the bullet hit my knee

He smiled as I screamed with pain

I never wanted to die in vain

My white pants turned into red

And then he smiled and aimed his gun on my head 

The whole 14 years flashed before my eyes

Is this the end, am I really going to die

Tears started streaming down my face whenever I saw his gun

My life was going to end before it really begun

I was the one who used to wish to die

Now when he is killing me, why is it making me cry?

I closed my eyes as he was pulling the trigger again

Then I heard the gun short and the loud noise damaged each cell of my brain

As soon as I opened my eyes I saw him dead on the ground

He was shot by one of the officers standing around

Whenever I think of him I end up on screams

That guy still haunts me in my dreams

Author's Note

Not my best but please tell me what you think

Reviews

[eeoopig]

This is an interesting piece, with some great imagination to it. It does need some serious editing though (corrections on right in CAPS).
"Perfect until and guy" do you mean: Perfect until THAT guy
"My white pant turned into red" do you mean: my white PANTS turned red -> (into is unneeded)
"aimed his gun on my head " do you mean: aimed his gun AT my head
"going to die" do you mean: going to die? -> question mark
this sentence is a bit long: "Then I heard the gun short and the loud noise damaged each cell of my brain" how about separating them into two?:
Then I heard the gun SHOT
and the loud noise damaged each cell of my brain
"the offices standing" do you mean: the OFFICERS standing
there are a few others, so please look out for them. Grr I hate grammar. Anyway, good job on this - I enjoyed it!

[Jon Settle]

Really nice imagery. Great write

[外人 (Gaiji..]

Ok, I have to make you a question:
Is this based on a real story?
If it is I can't help but wish you forget it as soon as possible, it's a very traumatic experiece, but don't let it take control of you !
I was caught by the verses where you say you wished that and now you're so scared, it's very interesting, we all have our own "monsters" to deal with, we sometimes wish something we'd definitely hate if it happens, we just don't know it yet.

[Laura Maidah]

It would make a good story

[Ray]

really interesting, it's really different of some other things you wrote...umm, i wouldn't know how to help you fix this, but the two first lines don't go right for some reason. and i think the "and" in the second line isn't supposed to be there. really interesting...

[TheReal]

I didn't expect this lol, I never read a piece about being shot and saved. I like it!

[Crazy Cat Man]

man this was a interesting work but I think it would be better if it was in a told in a story format instead of a poem. just my opinion. great job :D

[Victoria PoetryBunny]

Fix some words and punctuation, re-reading the poem perhaps. Besides that, terrifying emotional story you have placed in this poem, good write.

[gombeggar]

odd subject matter...good imagery...u get a jolly rancher now! ;)

[Dominique]

Wow. Just wow. This is something else I am amazed by the imagery in this poem. Keep up the great wrting.

[Barbara Walker]

I can imagine the writer being in Colorado, at the movie theater. This reads realistically. eeooping covered all my grammar critiques.