DEAD

I know this is a bit confusing but still tell me what you think

I am your wife

I am the person you called your life

But why are you ignoring me?

You are not that person who you used to be

You never listen to what I say

You just turn your back on me and walk away

Why are you ignoring my tears?

Now you don't even notice me living here

We are like two strangers living in a same home

I am living with the person I love, but I still feel alone

Every night I can hear you cry

Why aren't you talking to me?, please tell me why

You stare at my picture and cry

I have forgiven you, that's not a lie

But all my complaints were gone after what your friend said

"I am sorry to hear that your wife is dead "

Reviews

[Matty Bosox]

Now this is what I knew you were capable of Afra!!! You knocked this out of the park...Your ending to this poem would make M Nyte Shamalan (Mispelled probably) jealous!!!! From start to end you made this good, better, GREAT!!! I have read your efforts before and you have made good poems without even trying it seems...Now this is what happens when you let your talents off the leash, they go MAD!!! and make this....Close to perfection!!!

[afra]

aawwwwwww thank you sooo much ...=)

[Bye Guys]

Wow i loved the twist at the end and hope to see more.

[afra]

thank you

[Androglossia]

"It's a trap!" is all I can say. I was tricked by the first three verses until I realized the narrator is a ghost. You did very well on this.

I noted few errors:
Line 4 first verse
You are not that(REMOVE that INSERT the) person who(REMOVE who INSERT(whom/that) you used to be

Line 1 verse 3
We are like two strangers living in a(REMOVE a INSERT the) same home
It would read better if you remove the comma next to the question mark on line 4 verse 3.

Strong points:
You have a good literary technique that goes beyond the simple and evident intention of words or actions.

[afra]

thank you

[teddy]

amazing ...i love the twist in the end ....keep up the good work

[afra]

thank you

[nigrum homonculus]

....oh wow that was something. easily one of the saddest and most shocking endings i have seen. well done afra. you wrote this well.

[afra]

thank you

[That_Girl]

Oh god this is so sad... not confusing at all. The end packs a punch. Very well done.

[afra]

thank you

[Destinyxi]

Very sad story but very nicely written and strong emotional message. Keep it up!

[afra]

thank you

[Dean Kuch®]

..."But all my complains were gone after what your friend said..."

"I am sorry to hear that your wife is dead "
This had quite a shocking 'smash you in da' face with a hammer!' twist to it at the end! But I like that!

I believe you need to change the word "COMPLAINS" to "COMPLAINTS" though. Other than that small typo, this is a flawlessly haunting read and very original premise!

[afra]

thank you

[Corset]

ah so she is a ghost? how sad, she wants to talk to him so badly and he can't hear her, my life kinda feels like this right now. I think complains needs a T, complaints

[afra]

okay ..thanks

[Pikachu]

Whoa.

I have mixed emotions about this!

I love the writing style and everything, but it is just so sad!

Beautiful work!

[afra]

thank you ..