I couldn’t tell you the first word that would come to mind if I was to think about describing myself in a nutshell. However, others would say things like enthusiastic, congenial or even beautiful. But, I could tell you, without a doubt, the first word she used to describe me the day we met. “Charming,” she said. That day remains ever clear in my mind even after so long. That was the day I crossed a path of fate with an even more charming person called Arissa Melaine.
It was a regular day at the architecture firm as my colleagues and I worked at a new project we’d been contracted for. There were sketches and blue prints everywhere. Desks were askew and formed a maze-like pattern that only outsiders would get lost in. We were so used to being up to our necks in work, especially near our deadlines. The head architect Mr. Belami had left us with a final manifesto just minutes before; and, somehow, this was supposed to be inspirational enough to make us work more efficiently to please the clients of our current project.
My friend Anthony and I were sulking about all the detailing we had to do in the final hours ‘til the deadline when we noticed that there was a calming silence in the room. I turned my head towards the entrance of the studio and laid eyes upon one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen. It was Arissa Melaine but, of course, at that time I didn’t know her name. Anthony gave me a slight nudge. It was his way of waking me up out of my frozen state. She managed to walk right through our maze of drawing tables and the clutter of rolled up plans on the floor; effortlessly dodged all our sharp instruments and made her way to my table.
I was dumbfounded, wondering deep in my mind why in the world this girl would come straight to me. With hand outstretched she greeted me with a shake. Then in a voice that could almost be mistaken for a whisper of a song she said, “Hi. My name is Arissa Melaine.” I said my name in one breath, “Juliann Fisher. Are you here to see someone because you look very familiar and I thought it was weird that you would –” Anthony poked me. Arissa chuckled a little. She explained that she was actually here to see her fiancé who worked in our firm but he was a bit busy so she thought she would look around.
I made small talk and asked her about her job; and, even stupid little things like what high school she went to. I don’t know why I would want to know but I asked anyway. I just wanted to talk to her. I thought that would be the best thing to do if I wanted to wallow in the moment. Everyone in the studio was turning their heads every now and then to look at her and possibly read our lips. Anthony sometimes said a few things. We were both wondering what the odds were of a random beautiful woman walking up to me and starting a conversation.
I savoured the moment. The other men stared at her while Anthony grinned from ear to ear knowing that I could have already fallen head over heels in love with the woman. The other ladies rolled their eyes and went on doing their drawings. They didn’t expect any different from their male co-workers who were acting silly over a girl they didn’t know. All the women had the same look on their faces except one, Dana Powell. I had noticed out of the corner of my eye that Dana was keenly making mental notes of the situation. I simply ignored her.
Arissa was petite and had caramel skin and peroxide blonde hair that was short. She scooped her hair under her ears in a delicate fashion and she did so with white tipped nails. She was shapely: wide hips, round a*s, tiny waist but small breasts (not that I had a problem with that). Then after I finished inspecting her body she flashed a billion dollar smile that brought out her hiding dimples. She was really exceptional. I think everything after that was a blur. I just recall hearing her say goodbye and that she’d see me another time. I knew she would come for him – her fiancé; but, I hoped that she would think of seeing me just so that we could make each other’s day. I hoped and hoped too soon.
I thought she would never come back. Two weeks had gone and our deadline was up. The project we were working on was a great success with the clients. Mr. Belami decided to throw us a little lunch time party. We popped a bottle of sparkling water and ate sandwiches and cake that he ordered for us. Unexpectedly Arissa dropped by. This time she didn’t come to me. ‘Mr. Boyfriend’ was in the studio and she went straight to him instead, gave him a hug and a very sweet kiss. Sweet is what I thought it was and I smiled. Somehow, after I saw that I rearranged my thoughts and decided on finishing a bottle of the ‘bubbly’ for myself.
Unaware that she was within inches of me I said something under my breath. “Why do you wish you could leave?” Arissa asked. I jumped. I was embarrassed but she had me backed into a corner so I began to explain. I confessed that I didn’t think she remembered me and probably wouldn’t have noticed me even if I tried to get her attention. “So, that’s why I wished to disappear.” I whispered. She smiled. I stared. Before I knew it Arissa and I were outside the studio giggling about something silly that I couldn’t remember.
“I feel like we were meant to meet, you know,” she said. I nodded and expressed how I felt about fate. I didn’t know why it happened but it did and I was grateful. “I want to be your friend,” I said. She replied with an assuring “yes, Juliann I want t be your friend too.” At the end of our little chat she gave me her business card. “Ignore what’s on the front.” I flipped the card to see that she had already scribbled her personal contacts on the back. By the time I soaked in all of what was there she was already inside the studio kissing her fiancé goodbye. I smiled knowing that he had just lost a part of her. I still did know, however, if I won any part of her until the next time we spoke.
She came on a lunch break the day her boyfriend was absent from work. “How sly of you to show up on a day like this,” I chuckled. Everyone peered at me as we left the studio. Arissa explained to me that she would rather hang out when she wasn’t occupied with her man. I understood and was glad that I didn’t, for once, have to watch him talk to her while I was around.
We went to lunch at a nice Japanese restaurant a few steps away from my office. While there, we spoke about her work. She was a journalist for a new women’s magazine. “Basically, it targets those women in their mid-life crisis. It’s not the stuff that people my age want to read, not to mention those younger than us!” We laughed. “I know what you mean,” I said. The conversation was more than interesting and she helped by being pleasing to the eye. However, I was caught off guard when she posed a very out-of-the-blue question. “I suppose you have a good understanding of women then?”
I was a bit puzzled. “Come on!” said Arissa. “You know exactly what I’m talking about, Juliann.” I averted my eyes. She pressed the issue. “I saw the way you looked at me the day we met. It’s the exact same look I was getting a few seconds ago.” I didn’t know what to say. I never expected her to see right through me but she did. At that point I concluded that she was more than beautiful. Arissa Melaine was, in fact, the bait you were willing to hang on to even if you knew you were going to get caught. Her hand stretch across the table and her finger tips touched mine. I salvaged all of what was in that touch for what it was worth. The tingle went with me through the rest of the day.
A few days later I was approached by Dana Powell. “What’s going on between you and that girl Arissa?” I gave her a puzzled look. She didn’t buy my bullshitting and I could understand why. Dana and I used to be together a good while back and after we broke up she became increasingly jealous of my luck with women. She was at a point in her life where she was fluctuating between her interest in men and women. She had left me for a man. Ever since, she had been under the impression that every woman I had dated or liked was the answer to all her worries. I thought she needed therapy.
“What’s it to you if I like this girl?” I asked. “For one,” she replied. “She has a fiancé; and two, I liked her way before she even knew you!” I shook my head because I was sorry for Dana. “Well, she didn’t talk to you now did she? And, um, from what I can recall, you left me for a man. How ‘bout you just stick to that, huh baby?” I walked away. I couldn’t deal with Dana’s immaturity and urge to be the centre of everyone’s universe. She never approached me about it again. Some time after that confrontation I saw that she tried to get close to Arissa. She managed to get Arissa’s number, but that was as far as Dana got.
I finally got up the nerve to tell Arissa exactly how I felt about her. I explained how she made me feel ever since the day we met; I told her all the things I imagined and all the things I wanted to do to her. She was flattered. She said no woman had ever been so passionate about her, not even her own fiancé who was a guy. I felt special in a strange way. Eventually though, I began to feel as if I was a perverted person here to feed on the flesh of a beautiful woman such as her. I had to tell her how important our friendship was to me and that it wasn’t just because I was attracted to her. Arissa made it clear that she understood. I was invited to visit her at home one weekend when I was free.
I knocked on a big oak wood door. I saw it from the bottom of the hill where her driveway began. The door swung open. “Hey stranger!” she exclaimed. She gave me a quick hug and invited me inside. I looked around a little and made mental checks of the things around her house. “My dad lives upstairs so I have the entire bottom floor to myself. He’s not home on weekends…” She mumbled something about her father going fishing or somewhere with his friends every weekend. All that registered in my mind was that she was there alone with me. I made myself comfortable.
Arissa looked more laid back that weekend. I always saw her dressed up in power suits and stilettos. But now, she looked smaller than ever before and more fragile because all of that ‘armour’ was stripped away. “You are breathtaking,” I gasped. She blushed. We spent the afternoon chatting. Then the topic of her fiancé came up and I just had to ask. “Why are you encouraging me when you are clearly in a committed relationship?” Arissa fidgeted. “Juliann,” she said. “I look at you and see so many things that I like that he doesn’t have and I can’t help myself sometimes… I just like you a lot.”
I was taken aback. I thought she played hard to get just for the thought off being pursued (even though reluctantly) by me. She told me about a time when she was in high school that she was first attracted to another woman. They were very close friends and Arissa really trusted the girl. However, all that changed the day after they shared their first kiss. Arissa went to school to see everyone staring at her and chuckling with one another. It so happened that her friend was the type to kiss and tell – literally. Ever since that though, Arissa was rarely attracted to a woman but when she was she kept her distance. “I just don’t feel like I can ever trust anyone again… except my fiancé of course.”
I was upset with myself for not understanding sooner even though I didn’t really know. She was afraid of being frowned upon and being embarrassed; and, the whole time I thought she was just playing a game. But I needed to tell her that it wasn’t my intention to do the same thing to her that her friend had done years before. Arissa smiled. “I know you’re not the type of girl to hurt people but I have my guard up… and I have a life to hold on to.” She looked at her engagement ring. It was almost as beautiful as her. Suddenly, I was filled with an uncontrollable jealousy. I felt like I was being tortured.
“Why did you come to me that day? Out of everyone else in that studio, why did you come to me? I’ve puzzled over it so long and hard and I can never find an answer! All I know is that the day I looked at you, was the day I found what I was looking for even when I wasn’t really searching for anything. All I’ve wanted to do is kiss you… that is all; but, every time it crossed my mind you’re with him… or I see that ring… or, I don’t know.” I bowed my head and sobbed. “I just wish that I could kiss you to make you feel what it is I feel… just to be close.” She was staring at me, I could sense it. I rose from the seat and made it to my car in a matter of seconds. I only remember driving away and I didn’t say goodbye.
Arissa and I didn’t speak for a few weeks. “Are you going to tell me what the problem is?” asked Anthony. He hung around everyday just to find out what the issue was between me and Arissa. “Juliann Fisher, you’re behaving like we’re not friends. We’re best friends, remember?” I shrugged him off. Eventually he got it out of me. Then he proceeded to reprimand me for giving up on something so rare. He said that she walked right into my hands and all I did was put her aside like an old doll. I was supposed to show her what she meant to me even if I wouldn’t get far because of her fiancé. So, I decided to give it a try.
Anthony and I went looking for a few gifts that would sweep her off her feet. I sent them to her one by one. She responded in emails and said that she was flattered by my gifts even though they weren’t really necessary. I did it anyway until the day her fiancé approached me at work. “Look,” he said. “Arissa talks about you a lot and I found out about these gifts you’ve been sending. I don’t like it.” He was deathly close to me so I backed off. “She’s my friend. I shouldn’t get knocked for being nice to her.” I tried to walk around him but he pulled me back. “Don’t f*****g touch me!” I said and pulled my shoulder away. When I began to walk away again he yelled something about me being a lesbian home-wrecker. At that point I didn’t give a s**t what he wanted to say.
I stopped sending her gifts and reverted to not calling her. Eventually I erased her from my daily thoughts; and the only time Arissa Melaine’s name came up in a conversation was when Anthony felt like torturing me. Sooner or later he stopped talking about her too. Things became pretty monotonous until she called one day. “We need to talk,” she said. “I’m leaving and I need to talk to you.” I agreed to visit her at home on the weekend. I started to sweat and I felt a little dizzy. Anthony inquired and I told him that she was leaving but I didn’t know the details.
That weekend I went to her house. We chatted and tried to catch up on everything. She thanked me for all the gifts I sent her and she apologized for her boyfriend’s rude behaviour. We laughed about a few things and continued to skirt the issue. Hours passed before I asked her where she was leaving for. Arissa told me that she was migrating to Europe and her fiancé would join her in a few weeks. She landed a better job there and he was looking to work in a new architecture firm as well. They were serious about spending the rest of their lives together and thought that leaving would give them a better start. I was saddened, or worse yet, devastated. Without warning, I stood. Arissa’s eyes widened. “Please don’t leave the way you did the last time!” she said. I was already at the door.
It was raining when I stepped outside. I was greeted by a rush of water droplets. I heard her say my name but I kept walking. Arissa ran after me and caught me just before I got to my car. “Juliann,” she said. “Please don’t leave this way.” I screamed, “No! You don’t leave this way!” I opened the car door but she slammed it shut. Arissa threw herself on me. There was electricity between us that I never felt before. It was the closest I had ever been to her. She clasped her arms around my neck while I tried to pull her off. Finally I gave up. Her hands slipped to my shoulders.
“I wanted you to come here so that we could say goodbye the proper way. I wanted you to know that leaving you behind won’t be easy for me. You’ve infiltrated my thoughts and everything I do and I feel so terrible because I have a commitment to someone else. I had promised myself never to fall for someone the way I have fallen for you, but I did.” She was crying. I could see it in the way her shoulders shook even though the tears were washed away by the rain. I looked at her. My heart slowed down. Time seemed to stand still. I held the back of her neck and kissed her. I kissed her the way I’d wanted to for the longest while – with every waking breath in my body.
Arissa’s knees buckled slightly and then she began to kiss me back the same way I was kissing her. I felt her heart in that kiss. She revealed all of herself to me – how she felt about me all the time that we were friends. Then, almost as abruptly as it began, it ended. She pulled away from me. “Goodbye,” she whispered. I held her hand and savoured the last touch I’d get from her for the rest of my life. Arissa turned away and I watched her disappear into the house. I allowed the rain to wash down on my face a few seconds more. Then I went into my car and as I drove off I began to feel satisfied. I would be fine, knowing that I was her friend. I left that day with a part of Arissa that no one else had; and our kiss would forever be embedded in my mind.
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Added on October 20, 2008 Last Updated on November 24, 2008 Author
AfayahKingston, JamaicaAboutI am a very open-minded person... and expressive... but I am more than face value... and I prove it constantly through my writing. I normally write from others' experiences and, more often, from my ow.. more..Writing
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