A Play Gone Wrong

Once upon a time, when you and I first met,

the plot unfolded and the stage play was set.

Characters were cast; you dressed up as a knight

to sweep me off my feet…to make everything all right.

 

 

Curtains were held up, revealing lovestruck teens

in classic costumes to act the classic scenes.

Chapters passed with script memorized in grace,

effortless exchange of kisses…the best of all our days.

 

Yet somewhere in the middle, the plot changed unannounced.

You shed off your armors; princely character you’ve renounced.

Frozen in the center with the spotlight struck on me,

I watched you go and thought, “This is not how it should be…”

Author's Note

This has been stuck here, unpublished, because I've been cautious lately when it comes to the final output. Also, I didn't mean this to be monotonously 'iambic' and there are parts here which I intended to be read in a slower pace...

The three stanzas represent three acts in a play. But I'm thinking this should have been longer 'cause it seems incomplete. What do you think?

Thanks a lot.

Reviews

[stars are far]

that very great.. one of your best to me.. well done
i loved the last stanza mainly :D

[icelandicblue]

It seems completely clear and succinct. No other words need to be added. The sentiment is clear and the final act quite final.

[I Am Svetlana]

This reminded me quite a bit of Shakespeare, but in a good way! The two lovestruck teens and the knights in armor. Love can't last forever sometimes and someone chooses it's best to walk away because they know in their heart that it simply won't work out for them...it's sad when it ends up going down that road, but it's life. All we can do it wipe our tears and move on. Someone better will come along eventually and they will be who you truly deserve and love you for who you are.

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

This is beautiful hun, very very well written, sounds very poetic and the rhyme scheme is amazing as per usual.
I loved this a little poem about a play, filled with love and romance.
Beautiful, moving, meaningful and amazing write.
Truly amazing write hun :)
keep writing :)

[Blue]

Thank you as always, Cimmy.

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

your welcome hun :)

[Bowers]

Wow, you were right, it was a sad ending, I really like that the plot changed unexpectedly, that was a great touch to this piece, though sad, it was beautiful because the feelings were there, and then you knew it wasn't for you. Thats important, the realization is what completes the piece... And no, I dont feel its too short! :D Great write!

[Blue]

Thank you, sweet Bowers.

[Jennie Baron]

The best poems are short, if they choose words well and use them economically. I like the idea of mixing iambic and free verse; wish I'd thought of it myself. Shakespeare did it and did it well, although his intent was to distinguish noble from less high-born people.

[Blue]

I'm glad you mentioned Shakespeare. I'm a fan. ;) Thanks for your kind words, Jennie.

[Oyindamola Shoola]

it does not seem incomplete to me....this is like the best I have seen of telling a love story in such a short and beautiful way.... good metaphor and rhymes ....life is a stage, you have played your part well by sharing this poem...

[Blue]

You're wise beyond your years. Thank you so much for your words.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Since the title is A Play Gone Wrong..this piece is perfect in its 3 -stanza presentation. It perfectly gone wrong ...as to the prince's acts..and as to the main objective of the writer (to make a longer piece to reveal more about the play).
I remember Neil Aranda's Tanka entitled FLAWED which tells about the imperfection of human. Since a Tanka should follow the 5-7-5-7-7 format, he intentionally made a line of 6 syllables. In that case, he showed that like a person with flaws, even that poem has a flaw. So the title. concept, and the structure is perfect.

You have done a great job here, sis. Bravo!

[Blue]

Thank you so much, Ate! Have a great weekend to you!

[Eddie Davis]

I liked the metaphor you used, and as usual it is very well done, but honestly, in my humble opinion, it does seem to end in the middle. The changed character needs to meet his dire end, in my opinion, but I always hate to see men hurt women, even in fiction, so i want to see him burn, hang, get stabbed, shot or humiliated. Perhaps a sort of epilogue -- I seem to recall that the Greeks called this the 'Exodus' or Exode -- something like that. Either way, it is very good to hear your 'voice' again, Blue!

[Blue]

I am not sure of what my 'voice' is but thanks for noticing. :) Have a great weekend, Eddie!