I am a Teen

It's a crazy phase, I tell you.

I am a teen.

I am a fool.

With stupid things that make me cool.

I smoke and curse,

drink beers a lot.

I starve myself just to look hot.

I stay up late,

wake up at noon.

I don't believe I will die soon.

I fall in love,

then rush to bed.

I trust my hormones, not my head.

I swear to change,

leave past behind.

But it's more fun to change my mind.

I'm young and vain.

I'm filled with hate.

But I'll be wiser when it's too late.

Author's Note

Just having fun. :*

Reviews

[M. L. Zane]

Hello Arzel. You summon, and I arrive. Sorry about the delay, but I assure you it was worth it. Book is finished and on Amazon. Song of Sinai, Kindle edition, check it out. Okay, enough shameless plugging.

A well done work, but it would do you good to trim some of the language. Like teenagers, this poem moves quick in one direction, and some of your word choice slows it down a bit. Here, I'll give you an example.

Let's go to "I starve myself just to look hot". I love everything about this line, but the "just to" is weaker, mainly because it sounds like you're forcing justification of these actions. Instead, try this: "I starve myself looking hot". Faster, no breaks, and it flows off the tongue. Oh, and I also suggest changing "hormones" to "body". Hormones just sounds a bit too scientific for a coming (or going) of age piece such as this, and you may like the way it reads a sconch better.

Otherwise, a nice and refreshing example of youthful reflection. Check out Song of Sinai. I think you'll like it a lot.

Regards,
-M.L. Zane

[Blue]

Hello, Zane! Thank you so much for your suggestions. I find them reasonable and helpful. I wrote "I starve myself just to look hot" because I was trying to keep the last line of each stanza in eight syllables. And I think it has a good rhythm. Iambic, even. (i STARVE mySELF just TO look HOT). And I used "hormones" because it's more specific compared to "body" which sounds vague and confusing. Anyway, I really appreciate that you noticed about such details.

[M. L. Zane]

I totally get you, but teenagers *are* vague and confusing. Sometimes, an intentional language scale back helps the theme, you know? Still, there's a beat to it. Keep in touch. I should be a lot more reachable in between shameless promotions.

[Einstein Noodle]

ohhhhhhh good gracious glory me!!!! i absolutely adore this and with permission will print for my grand daughter's mirror (she is 13 Lord help us all) i have so much respect for you Arzel ... you are so young and have wonderful wit and wisdom ... i am on your side for sure ... blessings of peace and joy and health .. your strong spirit is something to water ... love ya girl!
E.

[Blue]

I love you, too, Einstein! Haha. And it's my honor to have my work printed so thank you so much for that. Your encouraging words never cease to chase my depression away. :)

[Einstein Noodle]

big hugs to you girl!

[Frieda P]

Ha this is too cute, now's the time to do all that crazy crap, people look at you funny when you're 40 and dye your hair blue or if you rush to bed. Smiled through this entire read. :-) Rock on Arzel...

[Blue]

Hahaha. Well, I certainly am looking forward to seeing you in Blue hair, Frieda. :P

[Frieda P]

Ha soon, I'm looking forward to being that cranky old lady with a slew of cats and blue hair who shakes her cane in yer face haha.... ;-P

[Blue]

Thrilling! I like blue and cats so I might forgive your crankiness. :P

[Frieda P]

Haha you're too cute nutter ;-P

[Calibaster]

This is (unfortunately) true. :/ It's kinda depressing. Great job, you caught our folly perfectly, and the rhyming was brilliant! I wrote a story about being a teen, It kinda says the same stuff. (I secretly can't wait until I'm 20) ;) :) Great job! Keep up the good work!

[Blue]

Yeah, depressing. I want to skip it myself. :P Thank you for your kind words, Alverrann.

[Calibaster]

You're wery welcome! (that came out Russian) ;)

[Nusquam Esse]

I must have not had the teenage experience I was supposed to... only bits which matched my teen years was the staying up late bit (but that was because of my job), and the cursing. Still not feeling any wiser though... ;) An entertaining read. I agree with Zane's review, make the statements more bold!

[Blue]

Thank you, Nusquam. I myself don't fit on ALL the follies mentioned. (Bless me. Haha.) I have a different approach to this--I just made it light and cool.

[Josie E. Cook M. A.]

This is so true about how a teen thinks and perceives life at that age.
Nice write!

[Blue]

Thank you, Josie. I'm glad many find the universality in this simple poem.

[Josie E. Cook M. A.]

U R WELCOME!

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the poem. You need a Lana Del Rey song with the words to give the poem a edge of the great Poets and writers of the sixties. It is good to be young. If you don't have fun, test life and enjoy each day. You had become old before your time. I told my children. Have fun when you are young and free. 50 years of work to come. Why rush. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Blue]

Indeed, Coyote... "Why rush?" Haha. Thank you so much.

[icelandicblue]

This was absolutely fabulous. For most of us it was not too late but you are right...youth is arrogant. Great poem!

[Blue]

Thank you so much, Ice.

[Saddam]

Not fun.. Great fun... It is nice to read such a poem.

[Blue]

Thank you, Ssadd.

[Lyn Anderson]

I love this poem, and it sums up the teen condition nicely. We all knew it all at that age. I would probably say drink beer a lot, without the plural.

[Blue]

I love your meticulous eyes! Haha. You have a point but I want it to be plural. (I am not a drinker. I hope people don't mistake this entire poem as my personal struggles. Haha.)