I am a Teen

It's a crazy phase, I tell you.

I am a teen.

I am a fool.

With stupid things that make me cool.

I smoke and curse,

drink beers a lot.

I starve myself just to look hot.

I stay up late,

wake up at noon.

I don't believe I will die soon.

I fall in love,

then rush to bed.

I trust my hormones, not my head.

I swear to change,

leave past behind.

But it's more fun to change my mind.

I'm young and vain.

I'm filled with hate.

But I'll be wiser when it's too late.

Author's Note

Just having fun. :*

Reviews

[M. L. Zane]

Hello Arzel. You summon, and I arrive. Sorry about the delay, but I assure you it was worth it. Book is finished and on Amazon. Song of Sinai, Kindle edition, check it out. Okay, enough shameless plugging.

A well done work, but it would do you good to trim some of the language. Like teenagers, this poem moves quick in one direction, and some of your word choice slows it down a bit. Here, I'll give you an example.

Let's go to "I starve myself just to look hot". I love everything about this line, but the "just to" is weaker, mainly because it sounds like you're forcing justification of these actions. Instead, try this: "I starve myself looking hot". Faster, no breaks, and it flows off the tongue. Oh, and I also suggest changing "hormones" to "body". Hormones just sounds a bit too scientific for a coming (or going) of age piece such as this, and you may like the way it reads a sconch better.

Otherwise, a nice and refreshing example of youthful reflection. Check out Song of Sinai. I think you'll like it a lot.

Regards,
-M.L. Zane

[Blue]

Hello, Zane! Thank you so much for your suggestions. I find them reasonable and helpful. I wrote "I starve myself just to look hot" because I was trying to keep the last line of each stanza in eight syllables. And I think it has a good rhythm. Iambic, even. (i STARVE mySELF just TO look HOT). And I used "hormones" because it's more specific compared to "body" which sounds vague and confusing. Anyway, I really appreciate that you noticed about such details.

[M. L. Zane]

I totally get you, but teenagers *are* vague and confusing. Sometimes, an intentional language scale back helps the theme, you know? Still, there's a beat to it. Keep in touch. I should be a lot more reachable in between shameless promotions.

[Michael G. Smith]

Wow, don't know any teenagers like this. I hope this is not the norm or we are in a lot of trouble.

[Blue]

Haha. Was it different in the ancient days? :) Thank you for dropping by, Mike.

[Michael G. Smith]

No there good and bad in every time. The teens I deal with are nowhere close to this. I find your definition to be the extreme. I was actually a teenager of this nature but my friends were not the norm. No matter what the world wants us to believe rebelling teens are not the majority. I've should know i raised raised five. How many have you raised, lol?

[Blue]

Hahaha. Of course this is not the norm. Some of the definitions do not even suit me. (Thank goodness!) Other lines may speak for a specific group of people, other lines may not. I usually based my descriptions on the rebellious, risk-loving teenagers media often portray.

[Michael G. Smith]

Yes, this what see mostly when watching tv.

[gabrielle]

Oh, the "age of irresponsibility". Enjoy it but know your limitations, young lady.

[Blue]

Thank you for the sisterly counsel, Gab. I am trying my best to be sane. Haha.

[Not Your Typical New Yo..]

I gotta admit, I didn't know you were that young, missy. Anyway, we all went through our teenage stage, we were inpatient, didn't follow any rules, we made up our own minds, did things we shouldn't, thinking about sex. Oh, those teenage years are coming back to me. Anyway, I really like this.

[Blue]

I don't look that young to you, Greg? Haha.

[Not Your Typical New Yorker]

I thought you were in your early twenties, like me, but I saw you were eighteen. Hahahaha. Even cooler.

[Blue]

Thank you. Sorry, I haven't replied to your messages. Didn't know you're as nice as this.

[Not Your Typical New Yorker]

Oh thought I was mean?(Sad face) :(

[Blue]

No offense meant. I have always been told not to talk to strangers. Hahaha.

[Avinash]

Hey enjoy the time...its your time ..your youth..give it all what it deserves :)

[Blue]

I am trying. Haha. Thank you, Avinash.

[Tina Louise UK]

I would never want to be a teenager again...you just reminded me why...enjoyed :) x

[Blue]

If given the choice, I'd rather skip it. But since no one is exempted, I might as well enjoy this phase. Haha. Thank you for dropping by, Tia.

[Praveeta]

Enjoyable read. Thanks for sharing.

[Blue]

Thank you, Praveeta.

[Praveeta]

My pleasure.

[Inda]

Love that last line, speaks volume. By far this is one of my favorite from you, just excelent flow And rhymes. Great job!

[Blue]

Thank you, Inda. I've read some of your poems and I see that you write in somewhat similar style as this one.

[cycy]

this is a very fun yet true reflection of teenage, well written Arzel and i love the last bit, wisdom only comes too late and it's a pity none of us can go back and re-do. (if i knew then what i know now)

[Blue]

True, Cy. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me.

[Mark]

"But I'll be wiser when it's too late." Great way to end this poem. It's very well done and pretty darn universal to all of us who have gone through those transition years!!

[Blue]

Thank you, Mark. It's somewhat difficult to sum all these crazy things in just a few words.

[s y e]

OMG, did you write this for me? Haha, kidding however, I can relate to some of these stanzas... ha. Aren't we absolutely mental when we're teens then the reality kicks in when we have jobs and bills to pay and I'm like hell no, haha. I always sing to my Gran and the song I've been singing recently is Wake Me Up by Avicii

"Wake me up when it's all over,
When I'm wiser and I'm older"

Haha, and she is always laughing... true story.
Loved!

[Blue]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, Sye. I'm thrilled that you like this.

My regards to your Gran. :)