I am a Teen

It's a crazy phase, I tell you.

I am a teen.

I am a fool.

With stupid things that make me cool.

I smoke and curse,

drink beers a lot.

I starve myself just to look hot.

I stay up late,

wake up at noon.

I don't believe I will die soon.

I fall in love,

then rush to bed.

I trust my hormones, not my head.

I swear to change,

leave past behind.

But it's more fun to change my mind.

I'm young and vain.

I'm filled with hate.

But I'll be wiser when it's too late.

Author's Note

Just having fun. :*

Reviews

[M. L. Zane]

Hello Arzel. You summon, and I arrive. Sorry about the delay, but I assure you it was worth it. Book is finished and on Amazon. Song of Sinai, Kindle edition, check it out. Okay, enough shameless plugging.

A well done work, but it would do you good to trim some of the language. Like teenagers, this poem moves quick in one direction, and some of your word choice slows it down a bit. Here, I'll give you an example.

Let's go to "I starve myself just to look hot". I love everything about this line, but the "just to" is weaker, mainly because it sounds like you're forcing justification of these actions. Instead, try this: "I starve myself looking hot". Faster, no breaks, and it flows off the tongue. Oh, and I also suggest changing "hormones" to "body". Hormones just sounds a bit too scientific for a coming (or going) of age piece such as this, and you may like the way it reads a sconch better.

Otherwise, a nice and refreshing example of youthful reflection. Check out Song of Sinai. I think you'll like it a lot.

Regards,
-M.L. Zane

[Blue]

Hello, Zane! Thank you so much for your suggestions. I find them reasonable and helpful. I wrote "I starve myself just to look hot" because I was trying to keep the last line of each stanza in eight syllables. And I think it has a good rhythm. Iambic, even. (i STARVE mySELF just TO look HOT). And I used "hormones" because it's more specific compared to "body" which sounds vague and confusing. Anyway, I really appreciate that you noticed about such details.

[M. L. Zane]

I totally get you, but teenagers *are* vague and confusing. Sometimes, an intentional language scale back helps the theme, you know? Still, there's a beat to it. Keep in touch. I should be a lot more reachable in between shameless promotions.

[M. Nolan]

That last verse! I love it! Great work!

[emipoemi]

........
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Can this be any more outstanding?

[Haley Lynn Thomas]

Definitely not my teenage years but I know plenty of people who this describes. I love the next to last stanza and the last line.

[Leewriter]

Hey Arzel, Leewriter.
I just got my act together, and I'm back hoping to connect with up and comers such as yourself. Thank you for this work. It was an insightful look into your life's journey, truly how you see it to be. The important thing to me isn't how you wrote this poem, but the content it contains. So I don't believe your wisdom will arrive to late. I am convinced, that it already has. keep having fun...GREAT JOB - KEEP IT UP")
Check out my poem inconceivable escape - Hope you'll like it, let me know")

LeeWriter

[I Am Svetlana]

Though I am not a teen anymore (haven't been for a couple years or so), I could so easily relate to this! Every teen wants to be 'in' with the popular crowd, so they lose themselves by doing all they can to get noticed. Yes, some teens are fools, but not all. Everyone has a heart, a soft side somewhere deep down. It just takes awhile to get there. Great write! Just be yourself, even if others don't like it. That's all you can do nowadays instead of trying to be someone you're not.

[Terpsichore]

Just having fun. That what teens do, always will; stuff responsibility, it'll come all too soon. T

[Valkyrie Warrior]

I am a teen!! And we are crazy!!! What a brilliant poem with a lovely flow!

[MBUYISA]

it's Very nice to read your poem once again after a very long and stressful exam times

it was fun reading it
you speak of teen problems around the globe. And i really don know what can be done to help these young people to get wiser earlier in their lives. Not when it's too late.

Thanks for sharing

[Jamie]

A very clever piece of poetry great work! Pleasure to read :)

[Beccy]

An easy poem to relate to. Change is for later, just keep on being nineteen and don't let the fun fade too soon, I never did.

Beccy.