Murder My Innocence

Drop my halo.

Undress me of my feathered wings.

Silence my conscience with the promise of the night.

 

Flame the passion with the heat of our nakedness.

Dismiss inhibitions and insecurities.

And throw away our cares to the regrets of the dawn.

 

As we play beneath the satin sheets,

unleash the woman in me.

Wild and primal.

 

Send me blushing with the thrill of your touch.

Let our tongues dance to the music of our breathing.

Excite me. Tease me.

 

Leave me gasping for air and for more.

Overwhelm my being with the chorus of my name.

And let's welcome the climax with ecstatic chants.

 

 

 

 

Murder my innocence tonight.

And let's punctuate its death with sighs of satisfaction.

Author's Note

Original link: http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/arzeljoy_blu/1250523/

Reviews

[Nusquam Esse]

I am thinking that your choice of nakedness feels a bit off, I would personally go with 'exposure' or 'bared flesh'. And I am thinking the reiteration of 'air' on the second to last stanza is not ideal, the second one could maybe be replaced with 'world' or 'my being'. All in all, those are the only parts that I feel could use a different word choice, otherwise this is superbly written! I particularly liked the first stanza, especially that 3rd line! And as always, you know how to finish (sin albur), what a great last two lines!

[Blue]

I have read this a thousand of times before but I never spotted the double mentioning of the word 'air'. I dislike repeating words in a single piece and I'm thrilled you've done an amazing proofreading! 'My being' seems a good substitute...Thanks, Nusquam!

[Not Your Typical New Yo..]

Hahaha, very erotic yet kinda dark. I'm liking this side of you.

[Blue]

Everybody seems to like this side of me! My most reviewed poems are often erotica. Ha! Thanks for dropping by, Greg.

[Sami Khalil]

Whoa, I'm sweating here with powerful feelings...lol
A splendid write...:)...............

[Blue]

I'm pleased this has affected you, Sami. ;) Thanks a lot!

[Sami Khalil]

Yep. You are welcome...:).......................

[Eric Pudalov]

DAMN, Blue! Not only is this excellent writing, it is quite exciting, sexy, and titillating...and yet, it does so while still maintaining its artistic integrity.

I love lines like, "Drop my halo/Undress me of my feathered wings," and "Let our tongues dance to the music of our breathing." And, of course, the title, "Murder My Innocence," seems all too appropriate for the theme of this poem.

Plus, in my experience, I find this to be all-too-true (as in "As we play beneath the satin sheets/unleash the woman in me/wild and primal"). Sex, if you're comfortable with it, can release your so-called animal nature, and I think that's one of the things that this poem expresses beautifully.

Thank you again for sharing it, and opening this part of yourself (so to speak) to the readers.

[Blue]

I noticed you review only my erotica, Eric! Haha. But thanks, nevertheless. It's good to hear what a man thinks of this piece. Have a great weekend!

[Eric Pudalov]

LOL! I thought I reviewed more than *just* your erotica, Blue! Perhaps it's just that those pieces come up under the "Related Writing" column over there. Because you said that, I'll check out some of your non-erotic pieces...HAHA!

[Pryde Foltz]

Murder my innocence tonight.
And let's punctuate its death with sighs of satisfaction.

Wow, Blue. This was really great.

[Blue]

It's an honor to receive a 'wow' from you, Pryde. Thanks a lot!