I am Lost

It has happened again.

 

I am lost.

 

I shake and tremor like the earth’s grounds protesting stretching and peeling back at one another in a tremendous battle. I am freeing my body of its basic needs purging it though I wish not to I do not choose to I have no choice because I am shaking and the goodness cannot stay in me while I shake.

 

It has happened again.

 

I am lost.

 

This black cloud that comes to visit that takes me away and spins me until I am lost is why I am shaking, why I feel as though knowledge I have acquired over the years has been shaken out of me like my last meal. The letters and numbers and places walk out of me - there goes JFK, there goes the basic skill of two plus two, there goes blue and yellow make green, there goes the definitions, definitions of words like eccedentesiast, there goes grammar, there goes the scientific method, trotting away yelling out make your hypothesis test your hypothesis, there goes punctuation, there goes the civil rights movement, there goes Sicily is beneath Italy, there goes homo sapiens, there goes Martin Luther King Jr., there goes Pearl Harbor, there goes gravity -

 

until the only thoughts left are me, me, me, and this blackness, and suddenly I am Narcissus and I am staring into the water but I do not love but I hate and I shake and there I am shaking again and I am trying to tell someone trying to get help until all I can see is black and green and dark ugly colors and I pray for yellow, bright yellow and a kiss on the forehead and someone to say you are not crazy this is okay there is a name for this you are loved love yourself I love you but as I reach for a hand, for a kiss for that yellow I find myself grasping air between my fingers. I scream. I scream and I scream and I am screaming and you can see it in my eyes but for some reason you do not hear it and it makes me just want to combust.

 

And I fall.

 

And I am lost.

Author's Note

Hmm. I don't know what to make of this, so let everyone else decide.

Reviews

[Jay Levon]

I love this, very intense

[Tyler Dean Allen]

thank you

[Tim Lion]

Splendid Verse Libre.

Prose poetry through and through.

Enjoyed the read.
felt it.
t

[Donald Cole]

this seems to come from experience, not from the mind. I feel,I relate to the intensity as I have been there. Lost too. I have also watched my world fall apart to the extent that it was actually falling together (chaos theory).
i fel a paradox in here. Hanging on by letting go or letting go by hanging on. hmmm. Its hard to think as fast as the emotions and thoughts are stirred.
nice to be able to connect the words with the feelings as you do. thanks
Don

[aram aram]

Eccedentesiast, what other ways would you gesture an impolite sicilian. I remember a time when I eccedentesiasted: I think the devil was eating the new front lawn my neighbor had just placed in front of his house. When I first walked outside to see what was that bell noise that kept jingling in homonous melody, I saw that it was around the devils neck and he was eating my neighbors front lawn. So I said, hey devil whach ya think you doin, he stopped for a second and slowly turned his horns towards me as if he was ready to charge at me, but doing so I was saved by the bell because he gave himself away from the bell noise since I made it hard for him to turn his head like the kuuk in the exorcist without jingeling that bell, and when I saw that he didn't want to fight I gave him my eccedentesiast.

[Patient Poet (Yos)]

wow I love it! it was so real so intense I felt how you did... I hope you stopped shaking

[Eagle Cruagh]

Write a review of something on my
[page and I will tell you about yours.

----- John

[Oblivion]

These were beautiful words, so well written. Just stunning.

[Kaa Na Kalyanasundaram]

With joyful reading, I felt much happy . Your style of writing is just a melody of snow fall. with regards.

[declangray]

I enjoyed this. When I read this it was like I was standing in the middle of the world as it spun out of control and crashed leaving me in the dark. The poem had a nice flow and a realistic feel.