car ride

slender fingers drumming
to the intoxicating prose from the radio.
it dribbled its way through locked mounts of memories,
too intangible to be retrieved,
enticing a peculiar feeling to her atrophied consciousness.

she looked out the somewhat dirtied panels of the speeding car,
glossing over what minimalistic livelihood
had blessed the barren landscapes.
vision and sound warped to her heart’s content,
a blurry coalescing.
spindly branches whirred
as the voice from the radio crescendoed an angel’s riff.

but just as she expected tingles to swarm within,
an innate reminder of her languidness subjugated all hopes.
hours fleeted by within weak bats of her eyes.
desolate sceneries metamorphosed
into splotches of flamboyance,
yet her lids sunk shut as exclamations from the front seats
adorned the lively flora.

it was no different from reality, the girl's dark, empty mind
for when she shuts her eyes,
there occupies a landscape as bleak as that of winter trees.
to her, it was a quiet, stealthy inferno,
devouring souls yet providing solace.

Author's Note

just a rough draft

Reviews

[Lisasview]

I see you are hoping to make this rough draft into a poem...I feel there are quite a few thoughts going on here...
The need for punctuation is apparent.. I really feel the beginning is quite good..So this is more like prose than a structure poem...
So many lines have good use of metaphors...
I just reread it...
and, plan to read it again when you are finished with it.
Lisa, now in Spain...originally from Lisa Angeles