Thoughts of the Battered Mind

Don't quite know what's going on...

 

My world had been divided into two - the place where I once knew an ignorant and naive boy had evaporated before my noticing. The place in which I now exist is a solid, cleverly constructed ruse - constructed upon the falsehoods of greed and misinformation. Constant and unceasing friction remained captured in my mind, and the battle between the two opposing forces take no sorrow in the destruction they leave in their wake.

 

I constantly dream of abstract concepts, in a world where they might have merit. My world and the world that is presented to me clash in a explosion of mass pandemonium. It is as if the solid world in which I long to explore scrapes against my shackled ankles.

 

Why such conflict if there is good in the world - if there is truth and understanding? The system that hovers above me threatens my every revolution, corrects my every wrong answer. But to who's authority? Is this system worthy of my life? Is it worthy of the crushing despair it bathes me in?

 

"Disillusioned" Is a word that echoes through my mind in a deafening echo. My heart is filled with the hatred of a thousand beasts - and my mind is filled with the thunder of dissatisfaction. Within the deepest realm of my heart, I can sense the disquiet - unsure if its protests will draw me into the bliss for which I search.

 

My mind coils as tightly as my heart - my mind craves intimacy - searching under the depths of a sadistic ocean. I am sinking into a very lonely realm that blackens the sky. In my loneliness, I seek more answers - I seek validation - that sorrow is not eternal - not the poison that degrades me. Is there a cure for this malaise? Is there nothing, flesh or not, that can calm the tremors of my world?

 

And where is passion - where is love? Where is warmth amongst this world? I find, that truthfully, it is scarce and evasive, trapped under ice.

 

Engaged so heavily in my own battles - I forget myself - I am lost in failure, in regret, in apathy, in doubt, in desperation. In the pursuit of what? The concept of success warps me - contorting my mind. I can never know if my suffering is valid - if I can be consoled - put into solace and satisfaction. My mind will never be at rest it seems.

 

Will I survive the vehement test of reality - am I strong? Can I be strong? Why must I be steeped in dissatisfaction? In self-loathing?

 

But, no, I have the solution.

 

Reviews

[New Theory]

Many a times comes in our life when everything just loses its meaning. Its the time when we start questioning if all that we are doing. Things do pass for the better but it gets better.

[icelandicblue]

I have been there. Your words resonate with me:

My mind coils as tightly as my heart - my mind craves intimacy - searching under the depths of a sadistic ocean. I am sinking into a very lonely realm that blackens the sky. In my loneliness, I seek more answers - I seek validation - that sorrow is not eternal - not the poison that degrades me.

[Caradoc]

It is as if you took the very words from my heart and soul and put them to the page. If that is not proof that we are not alone, I do not know what is.

Excellently written. Strange how it is always pain, adversity, that brings such touching and universal writings from a multitude of authors. Though separate, scattered across the world, we cry out in one voice our shared sorrows and desires.

-Caradoc

[NoelHC]

Interesting piece, I see the author's profile has been closed. I went through a period where I was reviewing pieces that had no reviews. A common thread there seems to be most of them that crop up dated back to 2009, just as this one did.

[Rene Salinas]

Let me start Alejandro by saying that KL beats me at many things, probably most in fact but one that I never thought would happen is that she would find something like this before me. I keep my eyes and ears so opened to find people that are interested in writing like this if indeed this relates to your style. The reason is obvious I just don't know how to write in any other style so to me this is how I communicate. Funnily enough I think temperamental issues or maybe something that you could explain laterseem to be holding you back. As if you seem afraid of untangling what's in there for fear that you may not like it. Don't worry none of us like it.... See the major issue with writing in this way is the realasation that what we carry inside is at times what happens outside so when you go through your descriptions and then impose it onto the reality of everyday is not so disimilar. This is a really good starting point and I can't wait to see how you continue to develop this "language of yours" if indeed that is an interest.

Thankyou KL for this invite

And thankyou

[Lyn Anderson]

People talk about the writers page etc. and I rarely visit it. I decided to try and do something new today and review something no one had. This is a thoughtful, well constructed, well reasoned piece. And because I am in just such a mood, I will send it to friends I know read stories. They know I don't do this so they should pay attention.

[NoelHC]

Interesting piece, I see the author's profile has been closed. I went through a period where I was reviewing pieces that had no reviews. A common thread there seems to be most of them that crop up dated back to 2009, just as this one did. It must be so frustrating to get no traffic and no feedback. I wonder if he will even see the comments.

[Lyn Anderson]

Who knows. I hope so. It seems a shame.