Forever 26

A Poem by archaicwords

I don't write poetry. I never have. But I don't have enough whole thoughts for an essay.

Today is your birthday but you didn't grow any older
I realize now that in a few years I will be older than you ever were.
I spent years joking about being the oldest. I regret that.
I keep calling myself one of four. Math is wrong, a third is smaller than a fourth.

Do you remember how much you loved this date?
You'd tell anyone who would listen that you were born 9/ at 7:11
The numbers seemed to bounce as you said them.
This year it would have rang even more sweetly as you added that you're now 27.

Forever 26. That angsty age of attempted adulthood.
Fighting the coming four years but not quite wanting to go back either.
I wonder if that horrid age was on your bulleted list of reasons to stop reasoning.
I strain to understand what made you decide to be forever 26.

Since you killed yourself they started accepting trans service members
Can you feel the irony wherever you are?
Does it leave a nasty bitter taste in your mouth like it does mine?
It should.

I know it's not correct and I'll rain trolls on my head but you both died.
Today I grieve you, my beautiful sister but I find myself yearning for the brother I had.
You never truly left, I know that. But my sense of loss is mirrored.
I mourn you both because the memories live separately in my mind.