Push Me

I’m border line on my emotions at this point. So easily could I listen to a few words and be sucked into the world I experienced last night, or I could travel back up memory lane; forget. 

Any human would choose the wrong path.

Any human would choose the path

that they know

will destroy

them.

I chose the path to destruction. I listened to those words.

I brought myself back to the empty funeral home, recalled the smell of dead and dying bodies,

felt the sadness and emptiness of a room full of people in my heart.

My body shook as I cried. It shook with such force that it

brought me physical pain.

I wished you were there, contemplated calling you.

I needed someone to hold me together, but I was stuck with myself.

As anyone would do, I turned the music up, turned up the music that had put

me in that

horrid place of uncertainty and despair.

I crawled into the grave

I dug 

for myself.

No one tried to get me out.

Good.

Because I'm still there. I'm wasting away in the tears, the sadness, the loss.

I'm killing myself slowly. Less sleep, no food, bad memories. 

That'll kill me faster than holding my precious breath.

How precious is it now?