My Worst Nightmare

I could feel my lungs panicking. My mouth was open wide, gasping for air like a baby bird begs for food, but harsh liquid filled my dead airways and choked me. A force brought me up above the surface of the challenge I was facing. Gasping, I could feel the pandemonium around me. The loud music, the bright lights, and the smell of the house I was in overloaded my senses. Red plastic cups once felled with a mothers worst nightmare lay spilled on the linoleum floor. Lost in pensive thoughts of my own family and my usual Friday night activities, I was abruptly brought back by the pounding music that had escorted me away in the first place. A warm, comforting hand rested on my shoulder blade, trying to compensate for what the rough hand was doing. My slow, intoxicated brain finally understood what was happening. I jerked myself out of the water; it splashed onto the floor. The face connected to that comforting hand looked into my frightened eyes. He wasn’t the same person. Shakily, I peeled myself from the floor, falling into him as he fell into the door. How had I let him talk me into going to this? We exited the small room, stumbling into whatever stable surface was available. I concentrated on moving my legs, one foot in front of the other. I held his hand and guided him outside into cleaner air. The night, which I once thought was very beautiful, now seemed like a scary Horror House on Halloween. Every tree, car, and mailbox was an obstacle in our path. Having his hand in mine was the only good thing, a luminous light in a dark room. He never let go, but kept squeezing tighter. We walked and walked until we found his moms SUV. I felt more lucid, knowing I was out of a situation I had nightmares about frequently. Jordan didn’t advance towards the driver’s side. I was glad. He held onto me, mumbling apologies into my neck over and over again. I commiserated with him, feeling sorry for the two of us. It seemed we stood there for hours, but I knew better. I considered our brain lag and decided it had probably been a little over half an hour. He was stroking my hair, apologizing with his hands. If we were sober, I would have allowed such actions, but I didn’t want one big problem in nine months.

“Baby, no.” I whispered, pulling away.

“I want you. Right now.”
“Not here.” I said, determined, looking into his eyes. He understood my message.

 

           I backed away from him and settled myself in the grass. It was cool and wet, comforting compared to the hot and fast pace of the party. Jordan smiled his smile and sat down with me, too. Holding hands, I felt at peace, even in the situation. In the cool grass, a haven in this Hell, I looked up to the sky. Behind the light pollution, billions of little stars were twinkling in the black; a thousand little light trying to make their presence known.

“They’re so beautiful,” I say. My voice is thick with adoration.

“Not as beautiful as you.” He turns his body and kisses me on the lips, and then my nose. He retreats just an inch away.

            I closed my eyes, enjoying the cool breeze in the air. Jordan’s hand was tracing the veins on my arm, around my neck and collar bone when we both heard footsteps. These were loud, drunken footsteps. Sitting up we located the source of the sound. I knew we hadn’t been sitting long enough to drive, so we stood, waiting. Allen called out first. He didn’t really seem to know who he was talking to. Stewart, Zach, and Zane followed. Jordan quietly waved. I leaned against the car, pulling him tome.

“Hey, man, where’d you go?” The guys were laughing, falling all over the place.

I decided in this moment we were doing to leave. I took the keys and started for the driver’s side.

“Where’re you going?” One of the guys pulled me back by the shoulder. I stumbled up the curb and fell into the grass. In the middle of the circle, I was exposed. Jordan was more lucid than before. He pushed Allen away from me and helped me up. Rage filled his eyes.

“Babe, stop.” I did not want to see him fighting. He backed up, balling his fists. Zach, in one quick move, had Jordan on the ground before I could do anything.

“Let him go!” I screamed. They all laughed. I pulled on his arms, clawing his acidic skin away from my baby. Allen was on me again, pulling me away. I jabbed his stomach, scraped at his eyes. Jordan huffed and puffed behind me. My face was getting red from trying so hard. Even drunk, Allen was very strong. He frightened me. Suddenly, I was visiting with the wet grass again. I wasn’t sure who threw me down, but, for a moment, I was glad. A new voice joined the group and before I knew it, his hands were around my neck, his voice in my ear

“Stop it! Leave. Her. Alone!” Jordan yelled at them. I was gasping for air once again. Focusing on not kicking, I clawed at the sweaty fingers around my neck. I could feel my lungs panicking. They spazzed, already knowing what was happening. My whole body started thrashing. The man holding me was enjoying my pain. He gave me enough air to keep me alive, but no enough to breathe. I could feel Jordan’s eyes on me. I could sense his struggle to help me, but I knew he couldn’t.

“Stop, please.” I gasped. My strength was ebbing, my head felt light in a sickening way. “God, I’m begging.” My voice was barely a whisper. Suddenly, my body lifted. I could feel the air rush by my nose. I longed to breathe it in, to be alive. Such a strong force was being placed into the center of my face, my nose. The pressure squished my features and was quickly removed. Arms flailing, I flew backwards and hit the grass again. My mouth was gaping, ready to such every bit of oxygen my body could handle. Unfortunately, the hard ground stole my chance, stole the last breath I had. I was out of luck.