November 29, 2009 12:21:03 a.m.

The writers hour...

 HERE IS HOW I FEEL:

“It’s like a human living off of tofu. You’re full, but you’re never quite satisfied.”

 

I pray for warm, sunny days filled with the radiating sun. I want to feel it beating down on my bare skin, filling me with its intelligence. I dream of gremlins running through my body with this sunlight, carrying it through my veins and down into my toes. They may pass my candy lips on their way to my brain. If they plant that sun energy in my brain like a plant in potting soil, I will thrive. Without this gorgeous sun energy, I do not feel whole inside. Maybe someone will flip a switch and turn me on. Maybe I’m not missing anyone or anything; maybe it’s nothing.

 

I only feel sane and whole for short periods of time. After awhile I prepare for it to vanish. I wind down and prepare. Prepare for the devastating weight that will be put upon my shoulders. I cry uselessly, realizing I have the life I always wanted to have (and now I do not want it).

 

 

The longer I stay awake, the more prominent my clumsiness becomes. My long legs traverse the house. I’m bored and in need of inspiration. For me, inspiration rarely accompanies boredom. These long legs want to crumple, guide me the rest of my body to the floor. I want to lay there forever in a bliss disorientated state. Maybe God will allow that. Just once I’ll let it all go. I’ll just let it all go…

  

Author's Note

I do not own the quote.

Reviews

[Laura Nikkinen]

Heart felt, it's bringing actual frustration and anxiety back from what I've gone through, but at the same time relief for knowing it's only a momentarily state, and when you're living through it, you should know and take it as such. NOTHING lasts forever, in good and bad.

[Steve]

Don't be beaten! There's too much to see/do/experience/read/learn/and write about, and you are doing all that, an example being this piece of writing.

I can't resist adding a quote here from William Saroyan:

"In the time of your life, live—so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but shall smile to the infinite delight and mystery of it."

Easy for some to say I know, but seriously don't worry about inspiration, it'll come I promise. I would worry about the new cafe website layout though...