Inhumane: My Ability to Lack A Heavy Heart

It was such an event, I had to write about it.

Today we went to the movies to see Law Abiding Citizen. The first hour was so – inhumane and disturbing I had to leave. The scene that broke me was showing this man being ‘put to sleep’. He was put on Death Row for aiding in the murder, rape, and killing of this man’s wife and daughter. I practically fell apart in my theatre seat. Anyway, he was strapped to this metal table and, as they were inserting the last of the drugs to put him out, he began to thrash across the table. In the end, blood seeped through his clothing. I told mama I had to go. She didn’t understand that I couldn’t watch that scene. I almost tripped down the stairs of the theatre. Once I was sure no one could see me, I ran to the exit. I have never been so frightened in my life. I’ve never wanted to get away from something so much. And I definitely didn’t want to hear the man on the screen scream.

 

In the bathroom, I lifted the toilet seat and dropped to my knees. Tears were rolling down my cheeks. I pressed my hand over my mouth to muffle my half screams. With shaking fingers, I pulled my cell phone from my pocket and texted my mother: I can’t watch the movie. I’m sorry. I hoped she would understand. My fingers were shaking so badly. As I sat there, hand pressed to my mouth, the movie played in my head again and again like a broken VCR. I couldn’t stop it. I felt as though I didn’t have the power to. The – wrongness – of the scenes I saw were too much for me to bear. I didn’t know what had taken over me. I suppose I’m far too lighthearted for that sort of thing.

 

 

 Inhumane is the only word I’ve been able to conjure up for the insanity on the screen.

For me, there is a fine line between black and white, right and wrong, and I’ll allow there to be gray areas, but this time I classified it as wrong. It was just wrong. Humans have become such evil creatures. What would God say? If he could come down here, what would he tell us? How would he look? What expression would capture his face? Would that strong visage fall to the ground? How would we react when we saw his scared interior for our poor Earth?

 

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Aaron was very sweet about my little incident. When mama came out of the theatre, she pulled me into her and kept asking what was wrong. I told her I couldn’t go back in there. She said that bad part was over. I told her no. it was hard, but my feet wouldn’t have moved me to do so. I just couldn’t do it. So she sent Aaron out to me. When I saw him I held him, thinking about how that could happen to him. The things we watch on the screen, the things we so desperately do not want to believe, but the very things our minds crave for, could happen to any of us in a heartbeat.

 

We stayed in the hallway for ten minutes, maybe. Daddy came outside and asked me if I was okay. I told him I wasn’t going to be able to watch the movie. He rubbed my head, looked into my eyes, and told me it was okay. When he left, Aaron held my hand and rubbed his thumb on my skin. I’m so glad he understood. It was hard, a few minutes ago, crying, to tell him it was too wrong for me to watch. He kept telling me it was okay. I’m so grateful for him. 

Author's Note

I've never been so frightened.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

It is good to be human. Your father was right to be kind. We must decide what we chose to watch. The new movies are becoming too real. I tell people. Listen to your heart and mind. Better to walk away and try to clear the head. Thank you for sharing the experience and the story.
Coyote