Chapter Four

   I was listening to the steady breathing of Gerard just in front of me, watching his chest raise in steady, full, motions, longing to trace his eyelids with my finger tips, craving to kiss his perfect lips. Something about the way they turned up the slightest was just so – inviting. He looked so different when he was sleeping; like he was a different person, someone you’d never met, but someone you’d dreamed of meeting. He sleeping and he himself is the same difference as him on stage and him back stage, though I’d never actually seen him backstage. Conclusion: two different people. To my surprise he jerked upright in the bed, eyes still closed. His lips started to pout, his eye brows bent together. Hesitantly, I inched up and looked at his face; I gasped at the startling image, it was the same face I had seen when I was close to death but a few months ago.

“Gerard?” I whispered, pulling my worn t-shirt closer in the cold night.

“Ava, what’s happening?” he whimpered as his hands started to clench together like he was loosing something.

“Gerard, I’m right here.” I said soothingly and lightly grasped his arm.

“Please don’t leave me. I love you, Ava, don’t leave me.” Slowly Gerard started to inch closer to his pillow, his face smoothing out back to the at-ease-Gerard I had seen a minute ago. I stroked his smooth hair, watching my fingers, glimpsing to his face, and wishing I could’ve have done something to help. He had never told me he loved me out loud. Before, in my ‘dream’, he had said that, but because he denied my close death experience I presumed he never actually uttered those three words; I was just wishing and hoping he had.

Sigh.

I twisted my body towards the window and watched the beautiful moon over power the sky. All of the tiny stars twinkled close beside it, kind of bowing in its presence wishing they could be as mighty as the big white moon. Sometimes I dreamed of running and running until I found the moon easing over the horizon, just before it tipped in the sky, so I could jump on top of it and live over everyone else. The childhood memory made me smile slightly. Memories like that made you happy, but others made you fearful. Peter’s sinister face appeared in my mind and I blinked quickly to close it out. Now I knew what had been bothering me earlier; it was peter. Just because I got away from him didn’t mean he wasn’t still looking for me. Suddenly being in one place made me frightful. What if he finds our hotel? What if he comes for me? Worse yet, what if he actually finds me? A different side of me marvelled at the thought, the thought of being able to grasp that man in my hands and request an answer for all the trouble he has bothered me with, but I had to put that away. I can’t even read minds anymore; I don’t have any super strength. I’m just human. Being defenceless also made me petrified.

  The window view didn’t seam safe so I turned back to Gerard. I gasped loudly when I saw his eyes open.

“Jesus, Gerard!” I hissed in embarrassment.