Who Am I?

I wrote this because everyone is different, and they shouldn't be ashamed of who they are.

Hello.

Who am I? I'm lost.

Most people would answer this question with a definition of what there name is, what they like, and what kind of person they are. That isn't who I am though, that's just the basic code for what my life is all about. I'm lost, that's who I am. I'm just a normal girl in the 8^th grade trying to find herself. I want to find myself as a more mature girl that focuses on school and not the drama around her. I want to find myself as the girl who people rely on and trust. As of right now I'm the girl that's lost. Everybody has their opinions, but I just have to not let them bother me anymore. I need to realize and understand that my life is what I make of it. Being lost is no longer acceptable. Lost. What does lost really mean? I'm not lost as in gone, or missing, but lost as in wondering what my life is really about. I have been really distant to my friends lately. I honestly don't even consider most of them as friends anymore but more as acquaintances. Why? Easy, friends are people you can tell anything to and know they won't judge you, they help you when you're stuck, or in this case lost. Not a lot of my friends have helped me, so that's how I figured that some of them weren't really my friends. So yes I am lost. I need to come back to my senses and realize these things. Who are my real friends, what kind of grades do I want to get, how much time should I be spending online, how much more time should I be spending on school? These are all things that will help me no longer be lost, but now I can be found. Self consciousness, worry, and wonder have all driven me to being lost. For me to be self conscious really takes a toll on life. Always wondering and worrying about what others think of me, has brought me to the conclusion that it's time for me to just not care. You want to talk about me, go ahead. Judge me, no one's stopping you. Hate me, congrats. Think that you're better or cooler than me, I totally understand. My life is too important for me to worry about other people's opinions and hatred. Am I lost, or have I just not awakened to reality? Dillydallying around with school and not putting my best effort into things, isn't going to get me anywhere in life. Most of the people that judge me now, won't even know me in about 5 or 6 years. If I wont know them in the future, why bother let their opinions get to me now? Look at it this way, the more I focus on school and things that are important to me and less on the people trying to bring me down, is just one more thing bringing me closer to being found. At the beginning of this I told you that who I am, is lost. Looking at it now, and thinking everything through, I’ve realized that I'm not necessarily lost but more “reality”. Everything you do or say not just on social networks but just in general can come back and hurt you. Something stupid you say now can ruin your chances of getting into the college you want, or the job you applied for. I may be just an 8^th grade girl, but I suppose I'm wise. I'm only thirteen but yet I already understand so much about growing up, so much about adulthood. I am prepared. I'm not lost, I guess I was for a while. Until now. I'm no longer lost, but I am reality. I am reality because I know what being real is. I know it isn't worrying about other people or their opinions, it's focusing on my life and school, and my intelligence. I am reality.