Romance vs. Romantic

Advice for the lovelorn whose been there.

Getting over a guy? a girl? drugs? Fattening yourself up high calorie desserts? developing bad habits; smoking, drinking, drugs, staying up real late at night just to watch infomercials? How about the other side of the spectrum; workout training that could match any Olympic athlete? Investing a small fortune into "self-help" seminars that basically tell you, you can do this yourself? Thinking about murder? suicide? both?

 

Would you rather not think about it at all, maybe, and live with the assumption that you can move on. If you are happy living like this, then don't continue reading because you may not like what I got to say.

 

I know what its like, the hurt that is. I've been there enough times and most of them before I got married (and that ended with a big hurt). Since then, I've been more centered as to who I am and where I want to be. I've what it feels like hurt when its finally over and you find yourself drained and emptied. I know what its like to see the person again after "the end", hopes, the dreams, the memories of passion. Then, reality hits you and you feel the pain all over again.

 

Those feelings don't go away. You think you've pushed hard enough and hid them inside. You think that you have convinced yourself that what happened is done and that it doesn't matter in the present. You think that moving on means progress because it couldn't get any worst. You think you are in control, or that you can be.

 

 

Doesn't happen that way.

 

You see them, speak to them, remember the attraction, the spark- and then the anger, the fear, the doubt. You wonder; who are they with? are they happy? why can't I be happy like that? why do I still have feelings for him/her when I know better? Why am I angry? with him/her? myself?

 

A relationship ends for reasons (I say reasons because there are usually more then one). If you believe those reasons were legitimate, reasonable, and healthy for you- then you are perfectly correct. And just as those reasons were right for you, they are as much right for the other person. The hard part is you HAVE to accept this.

Its not easy and it seems hopeless but if you don't it will dominate your life forever. The world becomes tainted by that. All other potential relationships are biased by that. It affects you health, your drive, and drains your will. Left alone it drives you inward to a point of no return and makes you a recluse.

 

 

Then there's the "maybe the timing wasn't right the first time and things will be better this time". Wrong! that's you trying to convince yourself that the reasons you broke up about weren't legitimate, reasonable, and healthy. That you really don't know what's right for you and that you rather let someone else decide. The harsh reality is that we all had to give up our 'mommies' and 'daddys' long ago when we accepted that we're all grown up. Looking for a substitute in another person is not fair on you, or them.

Second chances that work are very, very rare and are for fools who do need to be together (not that there is folly in being a fool who believes, its just not right for the majority).

 

 

Reality can have romance, but the romantic life is not real. It exists only in the minds of those who reflect on the past; what was and could have been. So live a life of romance and let the romantics dwell in their fiction. For it is better to live a life with fascination, enthusiasm, and appeal, then something impractical and false.