New Years, 2006

Thoughts about futures past.

Happy New Year. To some it will be a happy one. To others, nothing new about it and it’s the same old s**t again. The only constant is that yet another year has gone by and we look back to where we were this time 364 days ago. I know I remember.

Ok so, it was December 31st, 2005, I was lonely and feeling sorry for myself (you can cue in the world’s smallest violin now). My divorce was finalized the previous January, the house we had agreed to put up for sale and split what we got wasn’t selling, and creditors were after me like lice to an untainted, curly-haired, gregarious little wonder who likes to share hats with her not so clean friends. New Years Eve wasn't looking so great.

 

Although it was my fault I hadn’t any plans for the evening, I was feeling bitter about it all (the past year, my loneliness, and the prospect to the same the coming year).I didn’t have any plans because I waited too long to ask my ex about HER plans and who would have the kids. She finally told me that she was going up North to her dad’s cottage and would be taking the kids. So, I had a free night- and that was bad. Because I waited too long the few friends that I knew who had made plans weren’t expecting me. All of them were couples and showing up alone only would have made it look more awkward then it already would have appeared as the last minute invite. Being the fifth wheel didn’t appeal to me so I let it go.

I could have bought alcohol, got drunk, go on a junk-food binge, maybe puke, and probably pass out before the ball at Time Square moved even an inch. I also knew that if this was going to be the plan I was going to feel even more miserable and pathetic (as well as hung over) by the next day and THAT really didn’t appeal to me either. I had to do something; I couldn’t just sit like this and not do anything. And that’s when I made a decision to do something different. I went online and looked for anyplace, anywhere I could go to just be with people, any one- I just needed to go out.

I came up with a list of pubs, bars, and clubs that weren’t too expensive to get in (amazing how some hole-in-the-walls think they can charge steep cover charge just because it’s New Years) and decided on one close by. The place was down the road from where I lived and thought it would be better to go there lessening my risk of being stopped by the police (dui! yeah, fess up many of you have done it at least once). It was small and a bit crowded but it had its charm in that most of the people who were there knew each other and were friendly. I felt welcomed. It was also karaoke night and after a few rounds it didn’t matter if you were a stranger, if you had the guts to sing you were everyone’s friend. That was the atmosphere there and I was glad I went. I was also glad at the time because I met someone there and we began to talk.

I don’t know if it was the alcohol, or the company, or both but I wasn’t feeling so sorry for myself anymore. I hadn't dated anyone and she was young (28, so I found out later- and yeah, I’m 44 so you can do the math), funny, pretty and had a lovely singing voice. I could go through a lot of cliches right now about being star struck, and warm tingles inside but I’ll just skip all of that because it may have been the influence of the double shot of yaeger-miesters we had both done in the short time we had met. In the course of the evening I was to find out that her marriage had ended (I thought divorce), her job sucked (she sold Avon for income among other things I was to find out later), and that she had a deal with a local recording studio (supposedly associated with Kid Rock, who she had party with once) and recording a cd. At the time I didn’t try to figure out the logic of all that she was saying and I didn’t really care. All that matter was that here was someone who was telling me something about herself whom I wouldn’t have met had I decided differently two hours before. For a little while I was happy, I was glad, and I didn’t care where this would go. All I felt was that the coming year would be different and maybe even better then the last. Yeah, I know that’s a lot of weight to put on a chance meeting but hope is better then nothing. Then came midnight and 2006 began.

I won’t go into too much detail about the rest of the evening (about how we made out in her ex’s truck and how I was the recipient of oral sex-the first in a very, very long time and the furthest we would ever go then and afterwards). I won’t go too much into detail about how this chance meeting would continue on into something that would last for weeks (it came to an abrupt end when she confessed to me that; she wasn’t divorced, she didn’t actually have a recording deal, although she really did sell Avon- she stripped for a living, and that she was pregnant with her supposed ex’s child). I won’t go into detail about what happen to me in the rest of ‘06 (the selling of the house for less its worth and losing money, my ex’s rape and how her depression effected our children, and my father’s unexpected death in August). Things happen. And whether they are good or bad they just happen. All I could do is learn from these experiences, look back on the last day of THAT year, and laugh...or cry.

My point is it really doesn’t matter how you bring in the New Year or even what your expectations are. What matter is what you are going to do about it?