Understanding Men

What do men really think about?

 

Some of you maybe wondering why most of my friends are women. I like women. Women are interesting. Women will talk about anything under the sun from the weather to personal body functions. Women especially like talking about other women, a topic I find most interesting. Men, on the other hand, are dull and boring.

Men are boring because they have interest in only three subjects;

1. Food

2. Sex

3. And to do as little as possible with the least amount of effort.

Now, these are not in any kind of order of importance and they do overlap on many occasions. As a matter of fact, if more of these interests can be achieved the better. This is why strip joints that feature all-you-can-eat buffets are so popular among men. There they can eat, enjoy sex, and not do anything at all. Men will even pay top dollar to go to these places!

Every human endeavor created by men had been brought about in order to achieve one or more of these goals. From understanding the secrets of the universe to velcro, it’s all about food, sex, and the desire to be lazy. Take for example agriculture.

What motivated humans from leaving the comforts of the jungle and go trudging into the dangers of the outside world? Food (and if it a woman led the way, sex). Tool making? To do as little as possible with the least amount of effort. Back then, we were hunter/gatherers with most societies having women doing the gathering (a laborious back breaking effort) and men doing the hunting (track it, kill it and bring it home to eat it- after the women prepared it, of course). A man would have had to invent agriculture so that he only had to go out to his back-yard and bring it in to eat.

What about other inventions? Cars- sexy? Come on, can a noisy, smelly, polluting machine made of cold steel and plastic and provides transportation with the least amount of effort really be considered an object of sexual desire? How about sports? The object to any sports game is to aggressively overwhelm your competitor and outscore him (survival of the fittest?). How many times have we heard sport terminally applied to the ability to “win”, or “score” with women?

Ok, what about religion? What about it? Religion is about setting up a code of moral conduct by which a society can live by. All religions include in their doctrine some rules controlling sexual behavior, specifically a woman’s sexual behavior. Why is that? Well, if a man can control a woman’s sexual activity he is guaranteed a source of that activity with as little effort as possible. If a woman breaks the rules she is labeled a w***e. If a man does it, he is considered doing God’s will and there are high fives all around and celebrations ( and by the way, I know I sound like I’m religion bashing, I’m not. I’m a good little Catholic boy- just realistic). And then there are the dietary laws many religions (food).

Power is about sex. Before Catholic priests were made to take an oath of celibacy they were screwing anything that moved (and thinking about screwing anything that didn’t). Money is about power (and the ability to do as little as possible with the least amount off effort) and with power getting more food and more sex. What about understanding the secrets of the universe? Achieving this provides knowledge (“I know more then you do, nya-nya-nana-nya-nya”) and that’s prestige and that’s power. Seeing the pattern here?

So, women, that’s the secret to understanding men. As for me, by passing this along to you I will be making it easier to explain them... with the least amount of effort.

 

Understanding Men