side effects

4.6.15
11:52 am
“I think about dying but I dont want to die. Not even close. In fact my problem is the complete opposite. I want to live, I want to escape. I feel trapped and bored and claustrophobic. There’s so much to see and so much to do but I somehow still find myself doing nothing at all. I’m still here in this metaphorical bubble of existence and I can’t quite figure out what the hell I’m doing or how to get out of it.” -anonymous
i'm sitting and staring and breathing. surviving. starving.
i'm sitting in this blankness of my nothing life and i live each day the same. i feel like everything is just a side effect of dying. depression, anorexia, bulimia addiction, cancer, walking, believing. everything will result in death at the very end. and the more side effects you have, the closer you are to being buried 6ft under the ground.
i'm in a bubble of existence and have no idea what the hell i'm doing when i could easily get up and just completely destroy the darkness around me. but i choose not to. only because i'm weighed down by so many side effects. only because i feel closer to death than anybody else around me.
i feel closer to heaven and i pray to just already be there.
but i see my bones and i endure my sadness and i notice the hypocrisy that floats around in the air and it make me have the desire to kiss death right on its cheek.
the bitterness encompassing the world is so addictive and it touches my fingertips in a way that causes me to want to hold tight to its hand

Author's Note

can you relate?

Reviews

[Roughtrade Gibson]

Sugar - there is no bitterness encircling the world- everyone else is having fun. However - I have been experimented upon by the Mental health System = side effects like weight gain, kydney failure so yeah too. Good writing - keep it up! Poignant and sensitive.