A promise.

A Story by aditibaks

Sometimes all you need is loving words from a lover and a promise to heal you.

The night was cold and dark. The breeze blew softly and swiftly only to reach a devastating standstill. Her windows were shut and shivered constantly embracing the wind in a regretful encounter. The glass was foggy and a brook of salted tears washed down her cheeks.

Her body was soaked in a disappointing fatigue from all her therapy sessions and her limbs were weak. She held her womb and sat motionless. The moonlit room wept along with her in a dreadful silence. Several months had passed since her first miscarriage and yet every night had been the same for Divya. Vyom could not fill the vacuum in her life but he tried his best to help her by letting her be. He didn’t share his emotions fearing it would overburden her and seldom talked to her. Friends and family suggested time would heal her soon and so he believed. But time had done the reverse for her. She had forgotten to feel all those things that Vyom so desperately wished for, to cherish and smile at moments, to live and breathe at the same time. An infectious restlessness had grown over Vyom. Tonight he watched her weep silently as he lay on the bed pretending to be fast asleep. Her pain crawled onto his skin like a slithering snake. He could not stand her tears any longer. “Divya”, he spoke softly. She noticed but didn’t move. He rose slowly and walked towards her. Kneeling down, holding both her hands into his, he said to her, “I’m dying Divya. I can’t see you like this anymore. It has to stop. Look at me baby.”

He looked into her puffed eyes and a shiver ran down his spine. The puffiness never seemed to leave her. He had forgotten how her eyes looked before. He made her stand on her feet but she could barely hold herself still. So he carried her to bed and lay over her. She looked at him and spoke a million words in silence as rivulets flowed down her cheeks. He kissed her puffed eyes and tasted her tears on his lips. He kissed her wet cheeks. Her body trembled begging him to stop. But he proceeded with a man’s authority over his wife. She wept more as he touched her warm skin. “Baby, don’t” she began to speak only to be interrupted by his lips. Soon, her weak limbs rose behind his head and broke into an embrace. Sensing her approval, he rose quickly and undressed himself and her. She knew she needed him more than he needed her. They made love. Slow and passionate. They were lost and yet transported to a place where they found each other all over again. When it ended, they looked at each other and smiled. “I love you Vyom” she whispered fearing her pain would return with consciousness. He kissed her gently to assure her that she was safe in his arms. He turned over and pulled her close. She was a small being and fit perfectly in his arms. Like pieces of a puzzle, they were meant to be. He knew her deepest fears and guarded them closely and she knew his deepest desires and loved him dearly. She did not move to turn away like she usually did and slept peacefully in his embrace. A much needed sleep that her body had craved for since several months.

The next morn when she woke up, Vyom was right beside her. She kissed his closed eyes and he opened them instantly. It seemed to her as if he was awaiting her kiss to wake him up. “Good morning handsome” she cuddled. “Good morning sweetheart” he held her tightly and kissed her head. It was a precious wish granted to see her smile. “Baby, you must be getting late for work. I’ll go make coffee for us.” She rose to get up but he pulled her back into his arms. “I am not going anywhere. I’m staying right here with you for every sec of the day.”

Divya remembered the night at the hospital and how he had used these exact words for her as she lay on the hospital bed wishing for an instant death. Her smile faded and she let go of him abruptly and went to the kitchen. He followed. “What happened baby?” he asked fearing her reply.

“I need to be alone Vyom. You don’t understand. I’m too broken to feel your love. All of this isn’t going to heal me. I don’t want to be loved. I just want to be left alone. So just leave. Please just go.” She broke into tears.

Her words struck his heart like a forceful dagger. Vyom couldn’t comply this time. He couldn’t remain silent anymore.

“You think this is all on you? Was it just you who lost her child that night? Do you think it hurts me any less? I know it kills you baby but you know what kills me more? It’s to watch you live like an emotionless broken person who cries every time of the day that she could get. And I did leave you alone and let you be all this time. But has it helped? You keep pushing me away every chance that you get. And I watch you cry every night and fall asleep near the window. And then I carry you back to bed hoping that tomorrow maybe a different day. That may be tomorrow I’ll get my wife back. You are not alone in this. In fact, we are both approaching a deadly cliff together and if we keep pushing each other this way, one of us is going to fall off. And you should know that I really want to take that fall first instead of watching you wither away for the rest of my life. “

Divya was shaking and the pain seemed to overpower her. “Hold me baby” she spoke softly. He sighed and hugged her. “It will only stop if we make it stop together. You have to trust me and let go of the past. You have to stop blaming yourself. It was no one’s fault baby. And I promise you, it will be all right soon and we will have as many kids as you want but you have to hold on. You have to stop pushing me away. We have to heal each other love. Please trust me on this.”

She broke down and cried for as long as she could. But he didn’t let go. In his arms, she found everything she had ever wished for, true love and empathy. Vyom knew how she felt being with him and how he felt being with her. They found the relief that they both were looking for, in each other’s arms. Vyom’s loving words did what hours of therapy couldn’t and for the first time Divya felt as if a weight had been lifted off her.

After a while, he spoke breaking the silence. “Did you hear that they have opened a new Starbucks café on Palm Street? Do you wanna get some coffee?”

Divya smiled but did not reply. “Maybe breakfast, lunch and dinner too. I know this great place in Brigade town. Let’s do some shopping for you, shall we? Vyom insisted.

“Shopping? With you? No ways! You have the patience of a fluttering moth.” Divya lightened.

“Hey! You can test me this time. And I’m very patient only if you buy the stuff you see instead of wasting the entire day just looking around.”

“I look around? Well that’s how I save us some money and buy good stuff at great prices unlike you who just picks up random stuffs at first sight without checking.” Divya bickered.

Vyom was enjoying this little fight. “Hey, that’s how I married you and I’ve made the right choice haven’t I?” Vyom winked with a childish triumph.

“Shameless!” Divya slapped his arm and laughed. “Now go get ready. I really need some coffee!” she pushed him slightly. But he didn’t move. He took her hand, looking into her eyes with a painful plea, he said, “Promise?”

Almost like an unspoken reflex, Divya knew what Vyom was asking for and what he needed all this while. She reiterated with an understood agreement, “Promise” and sealed it with a kiss. And right there, she made a promise that remained for all these years that they spent together. A promise to hold his hand when the storms came out again and not let go, a promise to walk along and not walk away from each other, a promise to live for the sake of other, a promise to trust and love each other no matter what and a promise to keep all the promises made. And with two kids and a fairly long life spent together bickering and yet loving each other madly, it seemed to me that they did pretty well.

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