The Descet Beckons

I don't want to die, but I don't want to live either. I just want people to forget me, to erase me from their lives completely. I want to disappear. I want to feel the darkness hold me and caress me. I want quiet, I want to be alone. I want to feel nothing. . . .

 

It's windy on top of the bridge, and it's raining. It’s beautiful. The raindrops coat the green leaves of trees, making them shine. The river beneath me is still, hundreds of droplets barely piercing and rippling the surface. I’m in nothing but a singlet and shorts, my feet are bare and my brown hair is loose. It feels cold. It feels good. I look down, and a tear rolls down my cheek. The descent Beckons. I look up at the sky, and I close my hazel eyes. I breathe in the fresh smell of my surroundings, and I smile as I picture my small frame stepping off the cod bridge, and piercing the surface of the tarn. I’m about to destroy something beautiful, and it makes me happy. I want to fade away.

 

Making my dreams a reality, I stepped off the bridge. I didn’t scream, in fact I laughed as I felt the air rush past my ears. I broke through the surface of the river, and pain shot through my body. I’m sinking, I’m alone, and it’s quiet. I open my mouth.

“Save me,” I try to gasp, but my mouth fills with water. It feels like I’m drinking bleach, and it burns.

Why am I afraid �" why am I suddenly so afraid to disappear? Why?

It feels cold, and I’m crying for help. Why am I doing this?

 

Regret fills what I though would be my detached mind. But then, as I began to feel dizzy, I remembered. I’m doing this because . . . Nothing good ever stays with me, because you didn’t wait. We wanted to do this together. I though you said you’d always be by my side. Because time destroys all things, and hope is dead. I feel nothing now, and I smile. I’m finally fading away. I’m disappearing.