This is a nice expression of all the memories associated with someone that's missed. Your details feel realistic, but also there are some ideas that have been written about a million times, such as "nightly stars" & "heat of the moment" -- I try to find original ways to say these time-worn phrases. Show me these stars, are they sparkling stars? That conveys so much more than "nightly" stars (of course, they come out nightly! here's where we, as writers, need to pick words that convey more vivid meaning). Thanks for accepting my critique . . . only meant to keep in mind for future writing . . . your poem here is well-stated without changes.
Posted 7 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
7 Years Ago
Thanks for the suggestions barleygirl. I will keep that in mind.
a very soothing piece that recalls all those simple fine days..it's true that one of those casual moments is the best tool while capturing the past..I love it
mou.
You pen such a tender and loving reminiscence here. Vivid imagery of beautiful days and nights spent together..you perfectly set the stage with sea, sun and candlelight and wine sipped and promises made. Sometimes the most precious things are those that we only had - for a minute. I love the last four lines- great and fitting ending. Bravo!
This is a nice expression of all the memories associated with someone that's missed. Your details feel realistic, but also there are some ideas that have been written about a million times, such as "nightly stars" & "heat of the moment" -- I try to find original ways to say these time-worn phrases. Show me these stars, are they sparkling stars? That conveys so much more than "nightly" stars (of course, they come out nightly! here's where we, as writers, need to pick words that convey more vivid meaning). Thanks for accepting my critique . . . only meant to keep in mind for future writing . . . your poem here is well-stated without changes.
Posted 7 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
7 Years Ago
Thanks for the suggestions barleygirl. I will keep that in mind.