A Comet's Tale

I was inspired to write this after I had gone walking with my dad in the morning and when we looked up to the sky, we saw a beautiful comet with a bright blue tail and then immediately burned an intense orange, reddish color

 

 

In early morn of one crisp day,

The sun rose late to take moon's place.

Sprinkles in the sky, full with life

Still pepper the dark veil of blue.

 

In one chilled spot I tried to stay,

But the sun's progress picked up its pace.

A comet then swam through the starry sea with strife.

Travelled with a speed that turned its tail fierce blue.

 

Beautiful sights are to be withdrawn though,

As those divine seeth with jealousy.

For as soon as the comet came into sight,

It soon was engulfed by sky's wayward blue envy.

Making room for the proud hues emitted by Apollo's rising sun. 

Reviews

[Guardian]

This was great! The first two stanzas had a very nice rhyme scheme and I would have like to have seen that continued throughout the rest of the piece, but that's just a minor suggestion. The imagery was fantastic and I loved the flow. It felt very eloquent and natural, definitely not forced. Nice job and keep up the good work!

[bubblepup13]

Wow. First, it's so cool that you saw a comet, that's more then most people can say. Second, the poem was phenominal. Great use of descriptors without going overboard or sounding like a thesaurus blew up. Very enjoyable.

[Wildecat]

I totally enjoyed reading this poem, it was put together well. Nice Write.

[Hope]

That is so amazing! I loved it :D see...you are a better writer! Just one thing for the flow of the piece, instead of "...picked up pace" maybe try for "picked up its pace"...idk, it's up to you :D Poetic write ^_^

[Syke]

I don't know......it just seems....eclectic....not in a bad way, but not necessarily in a good way either. It's overall a good poem, just kind of odd seeming.