Papa Squat

A little story on the history of the toilet. I had a lotta fun coming up with this one.

 

    In the forests of Pennsylvania, several hundreds of years before Europeans arrived; a tribe existed and lived off the land. After being a nomadic people for so long, the sudden change to sedentary living took many of the tribe members by surprise. This tribe is known as the notoriours Pincha Loafe, who made their existence as sedentary people by growing and cultivating corn. The chief of this great tribe was known as Papa Squat, and became excessively lazy after a few years of sedentary living.

    All day long Papa Squat would sit on a log where he would observe his fellow tribe members toil over the arduous work that had to be completed for the day. Papa Squat eventually grew too fat and couldn't move himself from the log he made his throne, causing many problems for the people who now had to take care of him. One of their tasks was the cleaning of his extracts which, unless tended to, would be left to smell and displease the chief.

     As the clan became more successful, Papa Squat became more demanding, so he ordered the clan members to make him a new throne, one decorated with the treasures of his tribe.  The clan's people agreed to this request and started to create the throne. Lotta Dudy, one of the chief's tenders, came up with a marvelous idea, "Here we shall dig a deep hole that leads to the outskirts of our land, that way when we put the throne on top of it, when the chief has to pop a squat, he can do so and I don't have to clean the mess."

     "That's a splendid idea; this is what shall be done. We must pick the largest tree of which we must hollow, to make an ideal fit to our chief's liking." This response was followed by many nodding heads and the Pincha Loafe tribe got right to work.

     The hole's creation was owed to that of the willing moles who were rewarded with a pound of corn each. The hollowing of the enormous tree was done by a team of beavers, who also were rewarded a pound of corn. It took the entire tribe hours, but eventually they managed to finally move Papa Squat to his brand new throne. "Marvelous, the best I have ever seen. Now to give it a name....hmm." Papa Squat spent the rest of daylight to think of what to call such a magnificent piece of art. "Ah ha," announced Papa, "I shall call it the man's throne, and only those worthy of the title MAN will be given the honor to use it." Until the day Papa Squat passed away, he stayed upon his throne and kept watch over his people.

     The throne of Papa Squat, chief of the tribe Pincha Loafe, is now known as the toilet. The legend of this tribe has been passed down and remembered, sometimes being addressed as the man's throne from time to time.