I don't trust you anymore

A Chapter by addisonm241

I don't trust you anymore and that's okay

I'm learning to love myself more than I love you

I understand I'm not as close to your finish line

as I thought I was for years prior to this

i'm humiliated it took this long to realize

I was always just family and never a best friend

I clung to you like the mother I could never hold on to

how foolish of me to believe you loved me unconditionally

I don't trust you anymore and that's okay

i'm learning to love myself more than I love you

come to find out I was never a contestant

looks like i ran for no reason after all

next chapter

© 2024 addisonm241

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JayG

• I don't trust you anymore and that's okay

A basic question for you: What’s in it for the reader? Why would they want to know more about someone unknown, who’s age and gender are unknown; whose situation is unknown; whose reason for not trusting an equally unknown person is unknown?

This is you talking TO someone unidentified, for unknown reasons. Meaningful to you who have both the backstory and intent, but meaningless to the reader as the words are read. And unless the reader has context as-the-words-are-read, they turn away, right then.

You have the desire to write, and that’s great, but because you presently have only the nonfiction writing skills we’re given in school, you’re working under a huge handicap. More than that, because you do have all that’s needed to make the words clear, it works perfectly when you read it. And who tries to fix the problem they don’t see as being one? See the problem?

Here’s the deal: First, it’s not a matter of talent. It’s that they’ve been refining the techniques of poetry for centuries. Not taking advantage of that would place you into the position of trying to “reinvent the wheel.” But knowledge is a great working substitute for genius, And as Wilson Mizner puts it: “If you steal from one author it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many it’s research.”

So...research! Universities offer degree programs in poetry related subjects, and, in Commercial Fiction Writing. Both have entertaining the reader as their objective. But nonfiction, the kind of writing we learn in school, has informing the reader as its goal. And if you look at all your posted writing, the methodology in use is fact-based and author-centric. Great for reports and essays, but useless for fiction and poetry. Their approach is emotion-based. Nonfiction tells us that the character cried. The techniques of fiction bring tears to the reader's eyes.

As an example, so far as poetry, my favorite example of an emotion-based approach is the lyric to the song, "The Twelfth of Never." Look at the opening stanza:
- - - - -
You ask how much I need you, must I explain?
I need you, oh my darling, like roses need rain.
You ask how long I'll love you; I'll tell you true:
Until the twelfth of never, I'll still be loving you.
- - - - -
Notice the clever trick played on the reader: The speaker is replying to a question that the reader supposedly asked, placing that reader INTO the poem, as the beloved who has asked that question. And since the question is one we might ask of someone who loves us, the answer is inherently interesting (especially since, if it’s a good answer we might use it).

So with “You ask,” and without realizing why, the reader is emotionally involved. To me, that’s brilliant writing, because this one line makes the rest of the poem meaningful to the reader.

In response to the question of how long their commitment will last, the speaker dismisses it as supposedly obvious. Yet it’s a critical question, so the seeming disconnect again draws the reader in, with the unspoken comment of, "Well yes, you absolutely must tell me, because I need to know." So, given the attitude placed into the reader with that thought, we WANT to hear the response, and it feels as if it's directed at us. And that is a HUGE hook. Right?

The response is 100% allegorical. It says, in effect, “I can’t live without you,” but does it in a pretty, and interesting way.

The question/answer sequence then continues with a clever twist, Love will end, but on a date that’s an impossibility.

It’s 100% emotion-based writing. It calls up context that already exists in the reader/listener’s mind. But even had they never heard the expression “like roses need rain,” it would be instantly meaningful.

It’s part of a song, but this first verse, for me, is a perfect example of emotion-based poetry.

And let's take it one step further, and look at the FLOW. It's metric poetry, so it rhymes. But notice that the rhymes aren't the obvious Moon/June type, and the words fit the thought so well that the rhyme seems incidental, an accent rather than a drumbeat. And each line has the same cadence: seven beats per line that the reader, or singer, will fall into, enhancing the experience.

Make sense?

The problem behind the problem, as I see it, is that for the author, every line acts as a pointer to ideas, memories, events, and outcomes, all stored in our mind. But too often, for the reader, every line acts as a pointer to ideas, memories, events, and outcomes, all stored in *OUR* mind, because we forget to give the context that will make the words meaningful to the reader.

Aside from the great lyrics, it’s a pretty song. The most popular version of it, recorded by Johnny Mathis in 1958 is here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PnPnSjCUnc

Sadly, most people never learn why we need more than the writing skills of school, because as I did, most leave their school days believing that writing is writing, and we have that part taken care of, and so, make the flawed assumption that their lack of success is because they lack talent — forgetting that talent isn’t a magical ability to do something without training, it’s the ability to learn quickly and use what they learned, well. So, to write poetry and fiction, you need to give your talent the tools that the pros take for granted.

To get you started, and open the door to greater joy of writing, I have a few suggestions that I think will please:

First, for poetry, in general, grab a copy of Mary Oliver’s, A Poetry Handbook.
https://www.docdroid.net/7iE8fIJ/a-poetry-handbook-pdfdrivecom-pdf

The lady is a brilliant poet and an excellent teacher. Her book is filled with gems.

To better understand metrical poetry, hop over to Amazon and read the excerpt from Stephen Fry’s, The Ode Less Traveled. He will amaze you with things about language that you use daily but never notice. Though as a starter book on that poetic form, I favor Mary Oliver’s, Rules for the Dance.

For fiction, as an orientation, I suggest a few of my articles and YouTube videos.

Then, grab a copy of Debra Dixon’s, GMC: Goal Motivation & Conflict.
https://archive.org/details/goal.motivation.conflictdebradixon/page/n5/mode/2up

It’s a warm easy read, that feels a lot like sitting with Deb as she talks about writing.

So...I KNOW this far from what you hoped to see. But you have a LOT of company, because pretty much everyone falls into the trap of believing that the writing skills we’re given in school are universal. So, don’t let it throw you. Jump in and make those skills yours. They multiply your options, make the act of writing a LOT more fun for you and provide the joy of reading to your readers.

And once you "get it" you may even amaze your teachers and friends. Those books won’t make a pro of you. That’s your job. But they give you the tools to do it with it it’s in you.

Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

------
“Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”
~ E. L. Doctorow

“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”
~ Mark Twain

Posted 2 Months Ago

• I don't trust you anymore and that's okay

A basic question for you: What’s in it for the reader? Why would they want to know more about someone unknown, who’s age and gender are unknown; whose situation is unknown; whose reason for not trusting an equally unknown person is unknown?

This is you talking TO someone unidentified, for unknown reasons. Meaningful to you who have both the backstory and intent, but meaningless to the reader as the words are read. And unless the reader has context as-the-words-are-read, they turn away, right then.

You have the desire to write, and that’s great, but because you presently have only the nonfiction writing skills we’re given in school, you’re working under a huge handicap. More than that, because you do have all that’s needed to make the words clear, it works perfectly when you read it. And who tries to fix the problem they don’t see as being one? See the problem?

Here’s the deal: First, it’s not a matter of talent. It’s that they’ve been refining the techniques of poetry for centuries. Not taking advantage of that would place you into the position of trying to “reinvent the wheel.” But knowledge is a great working substitute for genius, And as Wilson Mizner puts it: “If you steal from one author it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many it’s research.”

So...research! Universities offer degree programs in poetry related subjects, and, in Commercial Fiction Writing. Both have entertaining the reader as their objective. But nonfiction, the kind of writing we learn in school, has informing the reader as its goal. And if you look at all your posted writing, the methodology in use is fact-based and author-centric. Great for reports and essays, but useless for fiction and poetry. Their approach is emotion-based. Nonfiction tells us that the character cried. The techniques of fiction bring tears to the reader's eyes.

As an example, so far as poetry, my favorite example of an emotion-based approach is the lyric to the song, "The Twelfth of Never." Look at the opening stanza:
- - - - -
You ask how much I need you, must I explain?
I need you, oh my darling, like roses need rain.
You ask how long I'll love you; I'll tell you true:
Until the twelfth of never, I'll still be loving you.
- - - - -
Notice the clever trick played on the reader: The speaker is replying to a question that the reader supposedly asked, placing that reader INTO the poem, as the beloved who has asked that question. And since the question is one we might ask of someone who loves us, the answer is inherently interesting (especially since, if it’s a good answer we might use it).

So with “You ask,” and without realizing why, the reader is emotionally involved. To me, that’s brilliant writing, because this one line makes the rest of the poem meaningful to the reader.

In response to the question of how long their commitment will last, the speaker dismisses it as supposedly obvious. Yet it’s a critical question, so the seeming disconnect again draws the reader in, with the unspoken comment of, "Well yes, you absolutely must tell me, because I need to know." So, given the attitude placed into the reader with that thought, we WANT to hear the response, and it feels as if it's directed at us. And that is a HUGE hook. Right?

The response is 100% allegorical. It says, in effect, “I can’t live without you,” but does it in a pretty, and interesting way.

The question/answer sequence then continues with a clever twist, Love will end, but on a date that’s an impossibility.

It’s 100% emotion-based writing. It calls up context that already exists in the reader/listener’s mind. But even had they never heard the expression “like roses need rain,” it would be instantly meaningful.

It’s part of a song, but this first verse, for me, is a perfect example of emotion-based poetry.

And let's take it one step further, and look at the FLOW. It's metric poetry, so it rhymes. But notice that the rhymes aren't the obvious Moon/June type, and the words fit the thought so well that the rhyme seems incidental, an accent rather than a drumbeat. And each line has the same cadence: seven beats per line that the reader, or singer, will fall into, enhancing the experience.

Make sense?

The problem behind the problem, as I see it, is that for the author, every line acts as a pointer to ideas, memories, events, and outcomes, all stored in our mind. But too often, for the reader, every line acts as a pointer to ideas, memories, events, and outcomes, all stored in *OUR* mind, because we forget to give the context that will make the words meaningful to the reader.

Aside from the great lyrics, it’s a pretty song. The most popular version of it, recorded by Johnny Mathis in 1958 is here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PnPnSjCUnc

Sadly, most people never learn why we need more than the writing skills of school, because as I did, most leave their school days believing that writing is writing, and we have that part taken care of, and so, make the flawed assumption that their lack of success is because they lack talent — forgetting that talent isn’t a magical ability to do something without training, it’s the ability to learn quickly and use what they learned, well. So, to write poetry and fiction, you need to give your talent the tools that the pros take for granted.

To get you started, and open the door to greater joy of writing, I have a few suggestions that I think will please:

First, for poetry, in general, grab a copy of Mary Oliver’s, A Poetry Handbook.
https://www.docdroid.net/7iE8fIJ/a-poetry-handbook-pdfdrivecom-pdf

The lady is a brilliant poet and an excellent teacher. Her book is filled with gems.

To better understand metrical poetry, hop over to Amazon and read the excerpt from Stephen Fry’s, The Ode Less Traveled. He will amaze you with things about language that you use daily but never notice. Though as a starter book on that poetic form, I favor Mary Oliver’s, Rules for the Dance.

For fiction, as an orientation, I suggest a few of my articles and YouTube videos.

Then, grab a copy of Debra Dixon’s, GMC: Goal Motivation & Conflict.
https://archive.org/details/goal.motivation.conflictdebradixon/page/n5/mode/2up

It’s a warm easy read, that feels a lot like sitting with Deb as she talks about writing.

So...I KNOW this far from what you hoped to see. But you have a LOT of company, because pretty much everyone falls into the trap of believing that the writing skills we’re given in school are universal. So, don’t let it throw you. Jump in and make those skills yours. They multiply your options, make the act of writing a LOT more fun for you and provide the joy of reading to your readers.

And once you "get it" you may even amaze your teachers and friends. Those books won’t make a pro of you. That’s your job. But they give you the tools to do it with it it’s in you.

Jay Greenstein
Articles:  https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos:  https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

------
“Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.” 
~ E. L. Doctorow

“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”
 ~ Mark Twain

Rating /100