Of Gentlemen and Unicorns

The man who strives for these romantic ideals seems a quaint anachronism in the 21st Century. Do we still need gentlemen?

The requirements of a gentleman read like a shopping list for the ideal man.

 

The gentleman should be open and frank, gentle to everyone, modest, reserved and he should avoid pretentious display and insolent praise of himself. In attitudes toward women and children the gentleman must endeavor as part of his very nature to be courteous; that is to express good sense, warm attachment, liberality, propriety in conduct, even delicacy of feeling. He is the man that continues to observe formality and respect in his interaction with all those around him. He is not afraid to express his feelings through deeds as well as words. He does not shrink from these manners when in the company of other men.

 

Such men may seem as rare as unicorns, but in reality few succeed in achieving all these traits at once without putting a foot wrong.

 

The man who strives for these romantic ideals seems a quaint anachronism in the 21st Century. To many, the idea of the 19th century gentleman parallels the metaphorical knight in shining armor, making an encounter with such a dream man in our modern age an amusing curiosity. We live in a world where the loutish jockeying between "guys" is carried into all social situations and company. The behavior among boys and men is no longer expressly reserved to each other's company and continues in wider social circles with the disappearance of class and gender distinctions.

 

Does the presence of one who walks the path of formality appear silly and awkward compared to the boyish charm and the roguish scoundrel that are so popular today?

 

The boy who was afforded good manners and morals, maintaining these into adulthood, must seem to be a dying breed. For these men it is second nature to hold the door, walk closest to the curb, assist with another's chair, and stand up in the presence of a lady-- instinctive actions that are often lost in our age of informality and improving equality. It is often forgotten how charming and considerate it can be to make that extra effort for those around us.

 

The conduct of a gentleman stems from late ideals of Chivalry and the books of Jane Austen. The White Knight, unblemished and flawless like Sir Galahad, remains a fantasy. The path of the gentleman shares a parallel in the quest for the Holy Grail. Crucially, such a quest can be seen as an unachievable state of perfection; the pursuit of ultimate heroic purity. It is the quest, not the legendary cup itself, that matters. It is the journey to the destination, not the arrival. To strive for the holy cup, is to strive to be the best one can be. Even if the quest may seem hopeless, this does not deter the Arthurian Gawain, Perceval and Lancelot from their undertaking. None can reach the pinnacle of Chivalric purity achieved by Galahad, but the endless pursuit of one's best self is cause enough to make the undertaking.

 

Goethe's Faust made tragic mistakes on his journey for spiritual meaning and fulfillment through his own struggle for bliss and the perfect society. His noble ends led him to tragic mistakes as he fought temptation, causing his purpose to waver. Salvation was achieved by Faust because he never abandoned his quest to be something greater. It is never too late to walk the path of betterment.

 

Austen's gentleman is the courteous and aspirational man, whose words and actions are measured with consideration, charm and sincerity. He is not perfect, yet he strives for perfection anyway. He makes mistakes, but he admits his error when he is shown it. He is prepared to learn his own flaws, face his failings, and know himself through the eyes of those he loves.

 

It is this quality of striving to improve that make the gentleman such a romantic prospect. His deeds are demonstrated throughout his lifetime rather than when it suits him. By the mid-1800s, a gentleman was a man that showed his love in his conduct even more than by his bearing.

 

Gentlemen are those restless men that want to be challenged. There is no better way to grow and flourish than with a lady that demands their very best. He is committed by a duty to those he loves-- his family and friends-- guarding their honor and propriety with his life.

 

Sadly, acting on every whim and desire without thought and measure is all too familiar. It is the behavior of the adolescent and emotionally immature. Today the romance of courtship is often supplanted at parties behind liquid courage where the boy propositions the girl with all the charm of one-liners and all the forethought of immediate gratification. By contrast, romantic courtship can be a like a dance between a gentleman and lady, beginning at a distance, drawing in near, flirting, charming and warming into intimacy. With a foundation of respect and sincerity, that corny thing we call romance can bloom into meaningful and lasting passion.

 

It is easy to be thoughtless and make little to no effort, just as it is easy to stray from the gentile path. You can't take a journey if you refuse to move, or refuse to mature. The idea of the avowed gentleman may seem quaint but it remains as appealing as ever. The gentleman may seem a dying breed, but he can only set his own example and hope that this is enough to inspire others to live with sincerity and honor.

Author's Note

Just some thoughts I've been having on that quaint breed of man.