decree of nullity

fri.2.22.08 (revision support: Tim McGovern)

lustrous golden cage
once a perfect home
to frantic winged vertebrates.
in time, a mate becomes ill... the other
loses interest; turns instead toward the sky.

in despair, as before, it thinks.
several hours yearning for
a wire with a bending coil; it finds
its prized design: squeezes out
of the cage to spread its wings.

before the skies,
it's boundless nature,
it perches now free
to the branch of a hickory;
determined to fly over oceans.

Reviews

[Christopher 'Windstorm'..]

WOW! you do have a gift with words. its such a vivid emaotions lost on the tormented stream of the energies of life. well done!

[Tim McGovern]

Nice poem, great last two lines
A little editing might tighten it up and make the flow smoother and the words a little less clich�'
Will add a few thoughts, just my opinion take or leave them as you will:


ornate golden cage
once a perfect home
to frantic winged vertebrates,
in time, a mate became ill... the other
lost interest turning instead toward the sky.

in despair, as before, it thinks.
several hours yearning for
a wire with a bending coil, it finds
its prized design squeezing out
of the cage to spread its wings.

before the skies
it's boundless creator ( or homeland),
it perches now free
to the branch of a hickory;
determined to fly over oceans.


Sometimes by eliminating the " ands" and "of's" and "the's" the poem will read smoother.
Nice idea and image, and again I loved the last two lines
Namaste''