Opening Chapter

Opening to a short story

Even the alarm rang of disappointment. The creaky bed let out a cry as he rolled over, shutting off his alarm. The alarm clock read 9:35am, and for the seventh time that morning, he hit the snooze button. Eventually he got out of bed to have his usual black cup of Folgers that even he could only describe as “s****y”. He skipped all of his morning classes and was contemplating whether he should attend his afternoon classes while he continued to sip his cup of s**t.

His brown beard was overgrown, not in the way which looks impressive or manly, but gross. His hair too long; often people would ask, “when ya gonna get a haircut?”. Instead of showering in the morning, he threw on a hat. In place of picking out an outfit, he grabbed the first clothes that he touched in his dresser, clean or not. His shoes had holes in them, his feet smelled, his socks were supposed to be white but had a murky creek water appearance. Anyone who knew him, but not very well, would call him a bum. That’s exactly how he would prefer it. His wife on the other hand, left for work early in the morning looking very respectable. It was her that kept the house together. She paid the bills, took care of the house, and was by any standard, the head of the household. While he slept through his senior year of college, she was hard at work making a name for herself, having graduated from college in three years. She overshadowed him in almost every way possible. It didn’t bother him much.

The fierce battle going on in his head about attending afternoon classes had come to a halt. Instead of attending class, he would go to a local coffee shop and attempt to write. He often did this, although hours of work could result in a page of material, sometimes less. The lack of production was not due to dedication or the pursuit of perfection, but a lack of focus. This particular day however, our man Carl struck a bit of luck.

Yes, even his name, Carl, kind of sucks.

As he sat staring out the window, searching for what seemed to be an impossibility, a good story idea to enter his head,a young man sat down next to him. This man, based off of looks alone, was similar to Carl in the way that you didn’t expect much of him upon seeing him. He appeared as if he grew up home-schooled in the 70’s and had slept through the last 40 years of fashion trends. The look on his face could be compared to that of a stray dog who was afraid of even himself. Long shaggy blonde hair covered his eyes and his forehead was the size of a small dinner plate. Frustrated over his lack of ideas, Carl let out a sigh of frustration, which led the man to inquire about his frustration. Immediately the two hit it off from there. They shared their complaints about modern academia, their aspirations to do something valuable, and without talking about it, their place together as outsiders. There are few things more empowering and uplifting than meeting someone who says, “Yes, I see the world the same way you do”. Carl and this young man certainly saw the world in similar ways. Carl left the coffee shop that day with a new friend.

Before this story goes any further I shall share some information about this new friend I feel to be helpful. This man- Dave, was a particular type of man, not far from genius. He was the type of man that whatever he did, everyone watched closely. His ideas were outside the box, creative, yet strange and uncomfortable. Whether you liked him or not, you didn’t want to miss a thing he did or said. He was like a young Kanye West in some ways; so strange yet talented, that everyone wanted to know what project he was working on next. Dave was a talented writer, music producer, photographer, painter, sculptor and pianist. If you got close to him or even lucky enough to collaborate with him, you should consider yourself fortunate. Everything he did had a chance to be transcendent and great. Carl knew none of this, but he soon would.

Author's Note

Helpful/critical comments- Trying to get better as a writer. Tell me what is good/should stay and what I should work on/change.

Ignore grammar

Reviews

[matrixmark]

Nicely worded and nicley put together. The piece flowed with a solid structure and I can tell that quite a bit of thought had gone from one part to the next. It was so easy to follow and your sentence length was pretty much perfect - it wasn't to long or short. - Always better ot pack a punch in a sentence, rather than drag it on and on on and on.....
What I really like when I read something is when a piece is more descriptive and less dialogue is involved (unless of course you are doing a piece which HAS to be dialogue heavy then it is perfectly fine) The reason why I asay about the descriptive thing is becuase it takes more imagination for the continuation of the piece to flow and work for the reader. You pulled this off really well.

A great read.

Mark.

[A.W. Carl]

Thanks so much Mark, I really appreciate your thoughtful review!

[matrixmark]

And I appreciate the thought which went into creating this good piece to read.
Mark.

[Stan Lee]

Great first chapter! I enjoyed your writing style. I could relate to Carl's frustration at lack of inspiration but I felt a bit mad at him for not making an effort like his wife. I like these characters. I'll look forward to seeing how they interact further. :)