Unexpected Trouble, Unexpected Joy

light, hopefully funny story. Still a work in progress.

 

 

            

            Whether it was mud or crap smeared all over my face, at that point, I didn’t even care. My dress suit had been turned into a swimsuit. I was swimming in my own sweat; the result of searching for seven little devils around the amazon rainforest. Leaves coated my hair, branches left their signatures in the holes in my shirt. Mud consumed my entire body. The boys stood together, stiff as the trees that surrounded them. Keeping their heads low, the guilt permeated from their eyes and into the hot, shifty air. And rightfully so.

            

My dinner date was at seven. I was picking my little brother and his friends up from the local park at six. That should have left me plenty of time to pick the boys up, return home, and get ready. Making it to the date on time would be no problem. I’m not one to take chances though. I was dressed and ready by 5:30.

I paced the kitchen floor, sporting my brand new suit for the very first time. Every 30 seconds or so, I would peek at myself in the kitchen mirror just to make sure every little detail was perfect. Tie straightened, pants tucked in, hair tightly wound. This was my first date with Hannah and I wasn’t about to blow it. Every detail mattered. It took me a whole month just to get up the confidence to ask her out.

            

I arrive at the park at 5:45, just hoping that the boys are ready and waiting. Of course, they’re not. They are off roaming in the woods, doing whatever 8-10 year old boys do.

It hits 6 o’clock and the boys are still nowhere to be seen. My heart sinks. I’m a worrier and God has a strange humor. I seem to be the butt of many of his jokes.

6:10 rolls around and I decide I am not going to wait any longer. I get out of the car and start to yell for the boys. People in the parking lot give me dirty looks as I scream out the boys’ names. At this point I am panicking. My forehead begins to drip sweat, suddenly my tie seems to be a bit too tight.

            

6:20 rolls around and I am beyond pissed. I’m throwing blame around in my head as I sit slumped over on the parking lot curb. I am certainly blaming the boys for having no regard for my life. I go as far as calling this, “the worst night of my life”. I blame my dad for not picking up these stupid boys himself. “What am I, his personal slave?” I complain like a moody teenager who was about to miss his date. That’s exactly what I was.

            

6:30 rolls around and my mindset shifts. I begin to worry about the boys and their safety. All the worst case scenarios run through my head. “Eaten by a bear? Captured by indigenous peoples?” A rush of responsibility and heroism enters my veins. Worrying about Hannah takes a back seat for a moment. I rush into the woods, determined. I search far and wide yet cannot find the boys. I scurry through the thick forest brush, dodging branches of trees and hopping over puddles of mud. No sign of the boys.

After a long, arduous search, I hear boys laughing in the distance. I recognize the voices. Robotically, I dart towards the voices. I peek through the leaves only to find the boys gathered in a clearing. They are hooting and hollering, chanting like baboons as they dance around in large circle. One member is in the center, sitting Indian style with his legs folded over. I break out of the brush and into the clearing. All of their eyes go to me, then back to each other. I stand still, anticipating what the boys will do. Time stood still. I was waiting for some type of explanation. Anything.

            

The boys suddenly spring into more yelling and rush over to me, grabbing me with surprising strength for 10 year old boys. They supplant me in the center of their circle. More chanting ensues as they dance around me. I was in shock. I went from being James Bond on the rescue mission, to being Piggy from Lord of the Flies. I was being humiliated. By little boys. In the woods. In a suit. While the most beautiful girl in the world was waiting for me…

           

            Once the shock factor wore off, I put my big boy pants on and restored order. I said some things to those boys that I can’t repeat now. All you need to know is that the boys cooled the jets on the Navajo Show quickly. Soon enough I had them marching back to the parking lot in an orderly fashion.

           

            According to my father, the boys were doing a “standard boy scout ritual”.

 

            Anyways, I show up to the restaurant 30 minutes late after dropping the boys off. My dress suit looks more like a Ghillie Suit. I’m covered in everything you could possibly find in the woods. I rush through the front doors and there she is, looking absolutely perfect, sitting at a table flipping through her menu like nothing was wrong. She glances up for a moment, seeing me enter. She begins to laugh uncontrollably at my ridiculous appearance, but in an adorable, endearing way. For the first time, I loosen up, and crack a guilty smile.

 

            We still enjoyed a wonderful meal together that night. The restaurant workers asked me to leave immediately because of my attire, so we enjoyed a “fancy” date at the McDonald’s down the street.

            

Overall, Hannah handled it great. She forgave me and was very understanding and sweet. We actually went on many more dates, in which I was always on time. The only thing is that she still loves to tell that story. In fact, it has become our kids’ favorite bedtime story.

Author's Note

ignore grammar problems
please let me know what you actually think-

Still a work in progress!

Reviews

[Mishel Lane]

Nice, light and funny story. Easy read. The first paragraph made me think it was going to be a different kind of story, deeper and maybe less positive. If that's what you were going for, it worked. Or you could consider moving that paragraph. The only other thing that stood out was you switched tenses a few times ("arrive at the park", "recognize their voices") instead of staying in past tense. The ending is effective, too. Thanks for posting!

[A.W. Carl]

Thanks for the review! I did intend the beginning to feel the way. I'll check those tenses, appreciate the help.

[Avinash]

I enjoyed reading this. It just kept me at the edge until the last para. I am glad it has a very pleasant ending.

[ZJC]

I like this, nice short story with an unexpected twist as the ending. I'd just fine tune it by going over some parts.

[Boniface]

add more meat on to this one, believe it will look better when you do

[Boniface]

I like this one, you're doing great buddy

[Philip Muls]

You can feel the anticipation to his important date. The annoyance at the boys not showing up, then the worrying whether they are all right. Then the anger.

And then the date. The girl that becomes his wife. Classic ending to a great tale.

[barleygirl]

Despite a few bumps in the writing mechanics, this story really sings with originality & at a breakneck pace, ta-boot. I love the way the telling feels a little jagged & rushed & unpolished, becuz it reflects his disheveled appearance. Most of all, I love the uninhibited style of revelation thru-out, just saying it like it is, not trying to pretty it up or dramatize it at all. Just the way it happened & that's fine for a story like this. Great fun to read!

[Khalil Jibran]

fabulous work man... such a nice story!!!

[A.W. Carl]

Thanks Khalil!

[Jim_F]

This is a great comedic romance. It is displayed with the perfect amount of fun over exaggeration and charged with a good amount of character frustration. Nice write!

[A.W. Carl]

Thanks Jim!

[Stan Lee]

The plot is good. There are a lot of ways you could improve this though. Keep working on it because it has a lot of potential to be brilliant!! :)

[A.W. Carl]

Still a work in progress- thanks for your honest review!