Death Awaits

is it so hard to give me what i want?

is it so hard to give me peace within my soul?

how do i quit loving people who doesn't love me?

how do i take this feeling, cherished and wanted, and bury it down deep inside me?

when do i start feeling the love that one person has given me?

how do i learn to feel?

how do i learn to give it back?

when does it quit hurting knowing the only person who really cared died when i was six?

when does precious death take me away to rest in peace?

when do i stop crying my heart out for nothing but myself?

i'm selfish, i'm childlike, i have fears and needs and wants

i still believe that people do have souls

when will i be taken from this strange adult world?

why did i grow up to be shown the truth that there really isn't any love in the world besides what lies in my own heart?

my tears flow with constant turmoil as i silently pray, beg for my quick death

i have nothing because they never gave me anything

i have nothing to show, nothing to offer besides what i THINK is love

i have flaws, millions of flaws.

they shine brighter than the sun and reek havoc inside me until i hurt.

i die

but i awake to a new morning wondering why my soul still lives on

wondering why i still hang on to the people who i thought were suppose to love you unconditionally.

wondering if there is someone who will show me the way.

show me, teach me to love

to let go of the endless pain that is my hurt

that makes my face tear stained and red

i await death as the sun falls

i await death as the moon dies

i await death as i go each day just going through the endless emotions of nothing

i breath for two little girls who i try to love

i breath for my sake and then the rug gets pulled from underneath

i want to give the more.

i want to be more

will this world show me more or will i die trying?

i move among my fellow human beings in this house

not touching, not caring, not recognizing

i move through the maze of agony into another day.

i move nowhere throughout my life for the sake of eternal want

we only stay together in order for us to have purpose of life.

we only try to manage life with each other out of convience

we do not care

we do not put forth the effort and yet my heart yearns for the release

i die

and yet i'm still breathing, still living

she escaped so easily through her pain and death

she escaped but left me wondering why so early

she could have shown me what it was that she felt

but i ask myself now did she really feel?

did she really love?

again i toss and turn until i am no more but i rise to a new beginning as the alarm rings my life's song

i rise to a life of vacancy feeling

i rise to a life of need and selfish gains

i rise knowing i have nothing

i rise knowing i will be nothing

my death awaits me as i travel another year around the sun

death awaits as i shed more tears for their walking soulless bodies.

death awaits as i die each day knowing that this is all i will ever have.

-Angela Widner

Author's Note

ignore any grammar problems and alike.