Dreaming

We wake up sweating,
with twisted, tangled thoughts.
Trying to hold on just one moment longer
Before crash landing and seeing it all with unrivaled clarity.
The dancing lights on the wall, the colored shadows,
shrinking and growing, inhaling and exhaling.
The couch, my friend, pulling me in to its softest layer,
melting skin and fabric, becoming one.
Tonight we will scream to the hum of static in the air and move to the internal beat of everything, in sync.
Tonight we will realize who we once claimed to be. 
 

Reviews

[LisetteCanWrite!]

Oh.. dreaming .. a moment of revelation found here.. in passion. Twisted and tangled thoughts.. uncertain at daybreak but only to fall into each others arms once again that night. The crashed landing.. could be realizing another day is upon you with mundane duties or just an awakening that there is not much more shared in intimacy than just this moment.. leaving the reader to assess to each's own the true meaning of that line and what it means to them. This could be a high or low moment in this setting.. but with mixed emotions shared. Thank you so much for sharing! =)

[Alicia Schroeder]

I love this write, nicely done

[Drew Wade]

This was good. I think some of the time it was trying to find its voice, but it ended solidly.

We wake up sweating,
with twisted, tangled thoughts.

It starts out nice. Already a vivid picture of what may or may not be happening.

Trying to hold on just one moment longer
Before crash landing and seeing it all with unrivaled clarity.
The dancing lights on the wall, the colored shadows,
shrinking and growing, inhaling and exhaling.
The couch, my friend, pulling me in to its softest layer,
melting skin and fabric, becoming one.

This is the part where I think its trying to find its voice. I just feel like there are some things that can be reworded here. Maybe cliches, or things that aren't adding to the poem as a whole?

Tonight we will scream to the hum of static in the air and move to the internal beat of everything, in sync.
Tonight we will realize who we once claimed to be.

for me, this is my favorite part. It seems to be the strongest, and it seems like you finally let yourself go and find the voice you're looking for as you're moving to the internal beat of everything.

Really, there aren't any structural problems or anything that makes me hate this. I think it's good. and if you think I'm being overly critical, I'm sorry. I'm not an expert at reviewing poetry. haha. take care.