What's In My Head

Some sad, quickly/poorly written business about how I feel. Somehow it almost makes me feel better to write about it.

... Oh how sad it is, that in these very moments, while someone I love is on the verge of collapse (or is already there) I am stuck here... alone in the dark, absorbed in the misery of my own mind. I have a four day-old knot in my stomach and naught (a pun? considering the circumstances... !) the skills or the understanding of myself to fix it. I am neurotic, I am paranoid, I am wallowing in the worst possible imaginings... and at the moment, she is either dead or sleeping. How proverbial... but actually very literally applicable. 

It's likely that I am just imagining all of this. Everything's relatively fine. I'm in my own head, f*****g with things. But it's because of this state of mind, however illogical, that I must also pawn that very idea off to mere 'wishful thinking...'

In the end, I won't know which side of me is right... however much I wish, cry, pound, mope, or wallow. Not until the morning. But this can drive a person mad. I think this is why we have religion.