Acceptance

tried something different with the rhyme i think it came out decent

ice water runs through my veins
begging me to stay sane
trying to keep my cool
before i look the fool

but i feel a monster under my skin
fueled by my anger and your sin
ripping pulling tearing at my insides
never letting me forget your lies

i feel it break away from its cage
screaming out its rage....


the damage is done
venom pours from my lips
and just as soon as its begun
the rage passes and i come to grips

with a new kind of pain
i see the look in your eyes
and any feelings that remain
drowns and dies

you leave me to my guilt
eating away at my life
forcing a new cage built
and making me wish for a knife...

but my nerve wanes
causing me to refrain
life is full of pain
and feelings we have to sustain

this will not break me
it will make me free
able to truly see
that im better without a we...

i must survive
if only so i can strive
to show i didn't deserve this
that im someone your gonna miss

Reviews

[Elanra]

Holy s**t!
this is insane!!! I cant believe you did this!

this is... i have only one word in my vocabulary for this piece Sean...

Excellent.

this poem you "tried" is flawless. It has an incredible flow and perfect rhymes which make it look soo easy! Thank you for making me read this but i bet you never thought it would backfire on you...

Cus after reading this, i will never again, let you underestimate yourself again, be hard on yourself in front of me... You are doomed Sean.

100 as rating, and added to the reading list................... I think you should "try" some more... xD

[GoodIntentiionz]

Oooh!

Something I can relate to. I really liked this piece, and (I'm really sorry) although I am not overall extremely "moved" by it, you did an excellent job. The only thing left to do is correct the grammar (apostrophes, capitalizing, etc.)

It leaves me curious: is this inspired from your life, your actions? Or someone else's?

My good side is telling me to give you a 100, but my stupid side is telling me to give you a 92. I guess I can settle for... 97?

A most excellent piece. Keep up the good work.

[AbsentElements]

I like the rhyming scheme, rhyming in twos and in fours. You may have tried, but I say you succeed. I really like the way you wrote this piece, it is your own unique style.
Very interesting

[Nicole]

I agree with Elanra.
This is beautiful, powerful, and raw.
I enjoyed reading this, it was amazingggg! xD
Man and the song I was listening to... set the mood.
haha. xD 100/100

[Micco Gibson]

Great write, I think what I liked most about it was how you made it rhyme and then you switched it up between lines, creating slight rythmic changes that makes the overall poem more holding and interesting, but that's not to say that it wasn't already interesting in the first place I think it changes three times, the rhymes flowing 1-1, 2-2, then changing to 1-2,1-2, and ect. The two lines before the last show the most power with the ryhme throughout the stanza, which is fitting because that's where you turn to see the light...

Great write, I loved this. Also, sorry for the lengthy review... ;)

[Jills]

Nice write

It gives off a vibe of darkness, moody if you will. Evident as when expressed that they are trying to keep sane.

But then a bit of that "monster" shows up as those feelings show up, how you're better off without a "we" and that you didn't deserve "this"... whatever "this" was

tons of feeling and i love it